Stigma within the Family

Sometimes stigma regarding the truth of mental illness is experienced among our closest family members. Society at large may not get it, but what happens when our own families resist? What happens when there isn't safety and support within the family unit?

Stigma encountered at this close range can be powerful enough to get under our skin and create doubt. We may become educated about our own illnesses, only to have our own awareness be undercut by the insistence of others close to us that our thinking is wrong, we choose to be unhappy and we are not to be trusted. So what then?

Staying focused on what we know is true--and holding onto that--becomes vital. This can be a difficult task sometimes when our sense of character is challenged by those who supposedly know us best. Feeling disconnected from family on such a significant issue as mental illness can be discouraging. Staying connected with our therapists, friends and support groups will help us to maintain stability so we do not lose sight of what is truth and what supports health and well-being.

Within my own family (namely my parents) there is continued disagreement regarding mental health treatment and the concept of recovery for the diagnosis of PTSD. My parents continually choose to disregard the truth and I continually try to tell them what the truth is. We can not seem to find our way to the same page. I desperately want to break down the barriers to understanding, yet I am ineffectual. They want me to agree to disagree and admittedly, I am hard pressed to "agree" that it is okay for my parents to believe the worst of me. I am resistant to concede.

I have learned that trying to convince my parents that what they believe are falsehoods regarding my character only serves to create tension. Personally, I do not like being at odds with my parents. I do not believe my parents like being at odds with me either.

What I perceive and what they perceive are two very different things. Just because I do not like the facts does not change the facts. The only thing I am sure of is my own integrity and what I know to be true. Their choice to remain ignorant can not be mine as well: the choice for wellness does not include ignorance.

I recently wrote a share post on family support and that my parents wanted to initiate a conversation--a healing conversation--that would bring extended family together regarding the truth about the abuse that occurred and the diagnosis of PTSD. No more secrets, no more split conversations, but rather a healing discussion to put all to rest.

A few weeks ago, my parents reversed their position and instead want the extended family situation to remain at status quo. I do believe that what finalized this decision is that the three of us could not have our own healing conversation. My parents want me to agree to disagree with their decision to put a halt to such openness--between the three of us as well as extended family. They also request that I lower my expectations of them and to also agree to disagree on what is the truth about my character and PTSD in general.