I initially found myself at a loss. This was a complete reversal of understanding from only a month ago. How does a daughter agree to disagree with her parents that it is okay to keep secrets? How does a person for that matter agree to disagree that it is okay to continue forward with denial that all is well as long as I agree to sweep the truth under the carpet?

I have been thinking about this a lot. I have needed to dig deep within myself for how I may best respond that reflects my love for them as well as the love I have for myself.

My greatest obstacle has been my resistance. I am resistant to lowering my expectations of them. I am resisting their justifications regarding the truth of PTSD based on stigma. And I am also resisting the sweep under the carpet: their desire to pretend none of this exists so that we may just talk and laugh together. As mentioned earlier, I resist conceding to their belief that I am an unhappy person who chooses to be unhappy rather than seeking wellness, that I hang onto the past and my anger, and that I am not to be trusted. (Sort of makes me wonder why they would want me around for "talking and laughing together" if they believe I am so negative.)

The longer I resist, the longer it will take for me to accept my parents for who they are and where they stand. Such acceptance means acknowledging my own sadness about letting go of the illusion that my parents are a safe place to go when the world gets hard. I want them to love me for who I am, not despite who I am. My parents do not feel they are capable of going to the hard and emotional places. I can no longer insist that they are capable. (I did not know I was capable until I was forced to deal with it, so how can I expect more from them?) I need to accept and love them exactly where they are. No more, no less. If I have need for support in my recovery, I will need to seek it elsewhere.

I fully recognize that I am an adult and I fully recognize that it is not my parent's responsibility to provide a safe haven. Nor does the responsibility for my own health and well-being reside with them. This is where self-reliance and my own education come into play, as well as my circle of support. If I am to continue to move forward in recovery, this will continue to occur without parental involvement (as it has in the past). Yes, this is a moment of sadness as I want to experience all of life with my family--particularly the joy that comes with recovery. But if they do not want to, I can not force it.

The greater sadness for me is that the issue of abuse will not be resolved for my parents. I no longer carry shame and hardship over the past, but they do. I have shared with them this aspect, but they do not believe it. I want to remove such feelings for them, but again I can not force it or continue to insist if they chose not to hear or believe me.

Being true to myself, being true to the facts and living in the truth of who I am is what I know is healthy. I have chosen forgiveness, compassion and forward thinking. I am sad about such a turn of events. Very sad.