Reading this story is like seeing myself. I am bi-polar, and have struggled throughout my career. Every job ends up in a major near-suicidal event. So I keep moving from job to job in search of a place where I can function without driving into a brick wall. During the years I was on medication I did a little better but after putting on 75 pounds, I recently stopped taking them in favor of exercise and more natural remedies. They also disguised a lot of other issues, and I just thought I was being "difficult". I was doing really well unril I started a new job and then I immediately went right back to square one. As I sit at my desk right now, my stomach is churning and I can't breathe. When I hear the little email chime I feel faint. The thing is, I know the source of my anxiety, my direct manager.When I hear her voice I want to run home. Sunday is the worst, I literally cry all day. She seems to know exactly what to say to send my anxiety soaring.Talking to her is no use, she's a right fighter, I say black she says white, can never be wrong...Just my luck.But, if it wasn't her it would be something else, no doubt.It always is, never fails. The only thing that works is to stay home alone.Yes, I'm considering working for myself, but I'm not sure I have those types of marketable skills or the motivation. It seems everyone out there is looking to sell something no-one wants. Right now I'd settle fpr bag lady living on the streets.
The pain is unbearable, I'll do anything to make it stop. Right now I've gone back to alcohol, not ideal but effective in the short term. The one thing I have to look forward to is I'm ten years away from retirement. THANK GOD.
I was exactly as you described. All my life I was afraid of failure. I had terrible test anxiety in school and would overstudy. I made wonderful grades as a result. But the next test I was sure I would fail unless I studied three times as much as everyone else. From my first job onward I was blinded by anxiety. I always felt I was being judged, which, of course, on the job, you are. Sometimes my coworkers and bosses were critical too. I too was made miserable by small sounds and sights. I would rather have died in the night than hear the alarm clock. I sighed heavily while dressing and showering. Every moment nearer to the front door of my building was that much more doom. I had to force my feet to walk in the place. It didn't matter if I changed jobs; it was always the same. I watched the clock every ten minutes wishing for quitting time. I spent lots of time in the bathroom with stomach upset and diarrhea. I started dreading Monday morning on Friday night and referred to my job as "that hell hole". I worked in this condition for ten years, then married. I worked off and on after that but my dear husband saw my misery and offered to work and let me stay home. I hated to take the route of depending on someone else, but I had to do something to be happier. Finally, after years of medication and therapy, a good marriage, and having a child and home to focus on instead of myself, I managed to find happiness. I am now quite happy, but I wish I could incorporate work into my life. I'm just afraid of going back out there and finding misery again. One thing I am proud of, I have never had to take money from the taxpayers, only from my husband, and I work hard at home so money is earned. I believe a person should work and contribute. That is why I would like to overcome the work anxiety and get back in the game.
Featuring Content From:
By using this service, you accept our Terms of Use. Please read them. The consumer health information on is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. You should promptly seek professional medical care if you have any concern about your health, and you should always consult your physician before starting a fitness regimen. Copyright © 2013 Remedy Health Media, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
10 Things You Need to Know About Anxiety Medication 
7 Things Anxiety Sufferers Would Like their Family and Friends to Know 
7 Ways Your Body Says 'You're Stressed' 
16 Ways to Stop Stressing Out 
This is such a familiar sounding story Kimberly. I sometimes wonder that if I could draw a workforce to a halt and ask just how many people are experiencing the kind of sensations you so vividly describe, just how many hands would go up. The things people do in order to mask their anxiety from others and cope themselves has made me feel exhausted just listening to the stories. What it must feel like going through these experiences day after day I can only imagine. I think this posting might be really helpful for readers going through the same as you. It's great that you found some way of resolving the issues so that your life is more fulfilling.