I once was given a wonderful piece of advice by my therapist. I had said that I did not know how to grieve properly. (I couldn't at the time express many emotions without them becoming overwhelming or totally repressed and adding to my depression).

My therapist said I could try writing a letter to each person I had lost and within it say all the things I wanted to say to them. Importantly however, I should write what it was I had learned from them....perhaps something they said about life...or how they dealt with certain life challenges...anything really...the important thing is that my therapist opened up the door to me incorporating some point of learning that I would carry with me throughout my life. In this way, I would be able to overcome the sensation of loss, as I had a sense of them with me through the learning that I had gained.

I know that suicide is a difficult time for those close friends or relatives who are left to pick up the pieces but in some way perhaps the thoughts you have expressed of regret that you could not act to save her life have now been worked through as you have shown such good care and attention and demonstrated your love for her by taking responsibility for all the administration of her estate and looking after her husband. Perhaps bringing closure now or some time soon. What a friend indeed...you have in effect ensured that her final wishes have been brought to fruition. You have completed what she was unable to do. You have cared for and looked after her husband's interest until he also passed away. I am sure that if your friend were alive today she would thank you from the bottom of her heart.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us on this site.

All the very best.

Hypno