It dawned on me that a number of people who I have met in the past or have heard from on this site have shared a common pattern of behaviour towards overcoming thier PTSD or anxiety (or indeed depressive) condition. One that I too had difficulty with for a long time until I found the "key" that "unlocked" the way in to my recovery and future without PTSD.
So...what is this "Stuckness"...We state boldly that we wish to overcome our condition and yet persistently say we have tried numerous treatments to no good effect.
We can state our symptoms. We can often attribute these symptoms to some form of emotional response to an adverse event or events in the past...and we can even state how we know we ought to be responding to life in the present or future...yet for some reason we remain "stuck" with our condition for months and years on end.
I have often shared with people techniques that I found useful in overcoming my previously held emotional responses and repetitive behaviour patterns to life challenges. I've shared all sorts of approaches to intervention such as Hypnotherapy, Meditation, Mindfulness, NLP, CBT, Gestalt, Tranactional Analysis...you name it...however in all approaches it appears that the underlying factor in each and every approach is the need to shift our centre of focus with regard to WHO WE ARE. Our Identity. Our CORE BELIEFS and how we project these onto the world around us and our interaction with others.
I had often heard the quote "If a belief isn't helpful, then change it" yet for many years had resisted any concept of changing my CORE BELIEFS as I viewed them to be good beliefs to hold. They were to be upheld no matter what.They defined my approach to life. "Be good to others." "Treat others how you would want to be treated yourself." "If you know enough about a dangerous environment you can protect yourself and escape without harm." The list is endless.The trouble was I was projecting these beliefs onto the world. I expected others to treat me the same. I was shocked when they did not do so. I thought I knew how to protect myself from harm and was shocked when I could not do so. My beliefs also meant that their were unforeseen ramifications due to extrapolation of those beliefs which went deep into the core of my psyche causing havoc and chaos. If I thought "If I treat others as I would expect to be treated myself and I acted to please others, then they in turn (I expected!) would treat me in the same way and do me no harm." So when others acted in a different manner towards me yet I saw they behaved decently towards others I thought "WHY ME?" When I was involved in an accident and others were not "WHY ME?" It was a very egocentric view of the world and life. It was an issue of control. I thought by my actions I could control the actions of others. I thought if I could control my environment, I could control my wellbeing. It was also ALL or Nothing thinking.It was also projecting a moral motive on the actions of myself and others. Due to the emphasis on motive, I was then subjectively asking WHY things happened to me rather than objectively asking HOW did those events come to happen, HOW did they unfold, HOW was I affected as a result and HOW can I approach life differently in the future.
Hypno
Thanks for this very thoughtful post. Although I don't suffer from PTSD, I have recently been through a very stressful and trying period in my life. It seemed everytime I turned around, there was another problem and all the other ones weren't getting resolved so the stress just kept piling up. I could (and did) get angry about the situations and other people's reactions to the situations, but that didn't do anything but get me more frustrated.
Finally, I realized that it wasn't for me to change other people's reactions and behaviors, it was for me only to control and change my own. I had to stick to my beliefs, had to make decisions based on what I believed was right. I could not force other people to think or behave as I wanted them to. But I could accept that they were acting based on their beliefs and I was acting based on mine. We don't have to agree.
Since I have become more focused on doing what I believe is right and best for me, despite what everyone around me may think, I have become more at peace and content with my life. I can't say the problems around me have resolved themselves but they are slowly untangling and I am more focused on doing what is best for me and my family, rather than worrying about what everyone else is doing and thinking.
Thanks again for your post.
Eileen