Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Most of the research into social phobia has been conducted over the past decade or so; although it is easy enough to trace it back at least a further decade. A variety of different explanations arise but the most dominant theory today was first proposed by Clark and Wells in 1995. They suggested that...
Your post was so informative...and true. I can look back at a few select moments in my childhood/early teens when I was singled out by a teacher or parent (some authority figure) and told my behavior was inappropriate. It hurt especially when I thought I was being such a good girl! So, with that, I figured out all my efforts in that direction were for naught. I continued to try to be "good" but with the demeanor and attitude of a whipped dog, knowing I was just setting myself up for failure. So I became hypersensitized to any hint of disapproval. Even a glance from others became a reason for self-flagellation. And of course, my classmates picked up on this and they made it worse by calling me names and tripping me as I walked down the aisle and making fun of my clothes. Yes, this may be quite common for children of a certain age. But even when it stopped (say when I was in college) it still went on and on in my mind. I started smoking to try to calm myself. I raided my dad's Valium. I sneaked a drink or two from my sister's liquor cabinet. All in an attempt to rid myself of the "obvious truth" that I was a nobody, a dud, incompetent. And then came horrific depression, self-mutilation, anorexia. I married an abusive man and gradually slipped off the deep end into psychosis.
FORTUNATELY -- through a lot of self-examination and truth-seeking about who I really was and who I could be, I found out I was quite exceptional! I have a great talent for being calm in emergencies and therefore excelled in sitting with the elderly and later caregiving for my father and mother. I discovered a mission in helping other poor-self-imaged women take charge of their attitudes about themselves. Helping them to see they are worthy. They are beautiful.
Is every day good? Of course not -- that's not true of anyone's life. I often feel depressed and crazy. But then I realize THAT is a part of me too and can be used to help others in the same situation.
Another insightful and thoughtful comment Donna. Your experiences provide excellent 'real life' interpretations to support my post.
Incidentally, I've just been looking at your 'assimilated' post. I don't think I've come across anyone who isn't constantly shadowed by their experiences of anxiety or depression once they've had them. It leaves a sense of doubt and uncertainty as to whether a return might be around the corner, yet often these experiences provide a kind of protective resilience.