I have been downsized from my job after 32 years. The state sent me back to college, at 56 with anxiety disorder, right. Someone with bad anxiety panic disorder has more than a difficult time going back to college after 55. Trying to keep up with Algebra gives me anxiety, let alone the fact it just does not want to sink into my head. I even tried ADHD meds for adults, they make anxiety worse, at least for me they did. I started slowly with 2 classes, math and college writing. Math gave me panic attacks. I made it through. With algebra my brain is like a non stick frying pan. It just refuses to stay in my head. Tests are fun. I can walk into the class room knowing everything about the subject until the test is in front of me. Then presto chango it seems to be written in a foreign language. Some days I feel like maybe I just will not awake in the morning. Now I am looking into disability, retraining just does not seem to work with me. Unless there is a college for people with anxiety, panic, general anxiety only. That would be fun. Everyone panicing when the tests are passed out.
With anxiety you cant tell if you have ADHD or its just the anxiety. I even thought I may be dyslexic, words move, I can read a paragraph and wonder what on earth I just read. ITs almost funny to talk about. You'd have to be in class taking a test. I have dealt with this disorder since I was 21. Tried everything. What can be done? I wont live forever so I guess thats good news. What can be done to help? Thanks again Dan
As someone who has lived with dysthymia and recurrent obsession/anxiety for more than 20 years I can appreciate what you're going through. I have recently found myself in a similar position to yours, in certain ways. The boss I worked for is going broke himself, he can't afford to pay me, I'm not eligible for Unemployment Insurance, and at the same time I'm hit with a full-blown phobia that leaves me in a constant state of anxiety where everything -- particularly waking up and facing the day -- is hard to do. Having to job hunt in this state of mind is exceedingly difficult. I too have thought about disability, but I do not want to take that route. One fortunate thing for me is I helped bring this whole thing on by going off my psych meds (they were making me horribly sleepy in the morning). For awhile I got away with it, but eventually I began to deteriorate emotionally. Hopefully you are seeing a doctor or a counselor of some kind, and taking whatever meds may have been prescribed for you for your anxiety. Do you HAVE to take math? If not, I wouldn't --but admittedly that may not be an option, in which case I would suggest finding a tutor to help you through. Above all I would urge you to stay engaged in the world. Reach out to those you love, to your friends, to those who share your interests. You probably already know all that and I admit that it's easier said than done, but you know what happens when you isolate yourself ... things get tougher. One thing I've found that helps is to try and resist the temptation to wish your anxiety away. That kind of wishing tends to make things worse. Better to quietly and as matter-of-factly as possible acknowledge to yourself that you are feeling anxious, but that you have something important to do, be it a math test, or washing the dishes, or going out to shop for groceries -- and then you do that thing. Wishing your anxiety would stop just focuses your attention on it and that's what you don't want. You want to focus on what's in the world around you -- again, easier said than done, but still worth doing, and if you keep at it long enough often you will find that your anxious feelings have diminished or disappeared without your even noticing. Good luck and god speed my friend ...
Why are you not elegable for unemployment insurance?
Yes unfortunately just about everything you take in college requires algebra. I got behind quickly and then overwelmed by getting behind and the cycle started. I seem to be doing ok in the other classes. I dont dwell on wishing I didnt have the anxiety, it just irratates me that it happens when I need to learn. Years ago I actually passed an intro to algebra class, it about killed me. I never forgot that experience and how it about set me crazy learning it. After 25 years I couldnt tell you what I learned except for the fact I somehow made it through the class. The negatives and positives at the begining just did not make sence to my brain. It was like rejecting an organ transplant or something. I went to a tutor, the tutor kept making mistakes while I intently watched her trying to do one of the problems. That was right before a test, so I was lost when I hit the classroom. She kept doing the problem over and over and kept getting it wrong. I was hoping to get a few things clearified before the test and ended up worse than I was before hand. She is the only tutor we have for that partictular class so I'm stuck with her. So I flunked the test and we went on to the next section. In the meantime I am still lost of the first section, then flunked the second test. Now we are in a third section, algebra does not get easier and now I have to figure out the first two sections. In the meantime I need to try to learn the third section. So the anxious mind is not responding well at all. The panic disorder is about the only thing responding, unfortunately. Trapped and cant run away, caught in a vicious cycle of learn and eat or stop and go hungry. Thank God we have no bills other than food, gas and auto insurance along with medical insurance. At least the company gave me a package that made health care very affordable. It also has life insurance built in. Good thing, at this rate I will need it.
Thank you for answering my post. I need to be able to talk about this right now. It really helps. If only I could upgrade my brain with new ram, mother board and of course a new processor. Since I am not a machine all I can do is talk about it.
Thanks again. Dan
I'm not eligible for UI because my last job was as an independent contractor (and, truth be told, I didn't do the withholding, which I know you're supposed to do) ... live and learn they say ...
For what it's worth, I think most people who take algebra end up forgetting most or all of it. I took a class a couple years ago, got a B, and damned if I can recall a bit of it now. You're right about the tutors, of course -- how good they are makes all the difference. In high school I was lucky because my Dad was a college math teacher and a very kind and patient man. My high school teacher was also good but he spoke very fast and I had trouble keeping up with him. I had the good fortune of being able to take my work home and ask Dad to walk me through the problems step-by-step, and he made it all clear. It's one of my treasured memories from childhood.
Glad to hear at least that your company gave you a good severance package. I've got good health insurance through my soon-to-be ex-wife (she works at UCSD). When the divorce is final, bye-bye benefits, which really has me scared. I need to find work with a good ben package or ... or I don't know what -- maybe I can beg my GP for free samples for a time. I take a lot of meds, for depression, anxiety, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol ...
Maybe there's school counseling you can use for math or test-taking anxiety? It's a widespread-enough problem for there to possibly be campus help available? Math is hard for so many people ... Just remember you're not alone Dan.
Take care,
Andy