Morning to all !
What if I would share a bit about what its like for me to be a farther living with anxiety.
My son was born in Dec 1992 and at the time I was quite active in my addiction's (alcool,cocaine,thc,) I had just bought a house in the suburb, my father had recently pass on and I was working on the chain gang (railway).
Now my son was conceive in Venezuela on a ''vacation'' just to put things in perspective, at the time I was hitting the bottle quite hard, me and his mother had never discuss having a child (I would like for you to know her side of the story but thats impossible) so back to me...I will spare you all of what happen between 1992 and 1997 the fact of the matter is that the familly grew apart.
So here is when I assume my fatherhood ''alone'' and to tell you the truth it scared me to the bones, but hey I had made my bed and now was the time to lay in it so for the reader I must put things in context and have to go back to my childhood...easy I had none.
So the beautifull adventure started, he was 4 when me and is mother seperated, as I said I was drinking a lot but new very well that I had a problem, I couldnt go on drinking if I was going to be a responsable father so I was face with that fact, so with the help of my brother (God Bless Him) a few months after the seperation I took a decision wich was to get my ''act'' together'' now understand that for the major part of my adult life till now I was under the influence, wich froze the emotions and much more, emotionally I had stop growing with my addiction.
So there I was a kid in a man's body (now I'm sober) there is no more freezing emotions, Imagine my son was stuck with a father that he himself felt like a kid, talk about anxious I was a wreck emotionnaly but I did my best not to transpire that so my son could feel safe with me.
I had no point of reference for being a father and I grew more and more anxious and Thank God for the professionel's that I was seing, I really needed all the help I could get for the best interest of my dear son.
He is now 15 years old he will be 16 in December today I wouldnt trade my worst day for my best then, me and my son have a most wonderfull relationship...we grew together.
Suffolk
Suffolk , that was very brave of you to share .. most men don't like o share their experiences , and that took courage to open up .. as a woman who could not have children, you are truly blessed .. and it is so great that you realized why you self medicating and did something about for yourself and your son ...
How are you hadling the anxiety now .. you are blessed to have had a brother beside you in this transformation .. where do you feel you are heading with this anxiety , and what steps are you taking ?
As a person who is just beginning to define myself , divorced now for 5 years , I found my anxiety grew deeper .. and I am learning , so I ask you , as you seem to have moved past some of the regression part of your life ..
Do you think ask why ? Do you still find certain situations set off the anxiety ? How do you handle it when it does start ?
I am interested in moving forward , am in counseling , and I know you have read my shareposts and have made some kind suggestions and support .. so thanks for this .. as it resembles a part of me that I know has enabled me to be like this .. if that sounds right ... agserra
Hi Again Adrian !
First of all I would like to say this, Thank You for your kinds words that is really nice of you.
Adrian shure I still have anxiety issues maybe more than you believe...but this being said I will always have some...but thats ok with me as its a part of my personnality, see I have learn over the years to stop fighting it altough at times its very difficult, but I made a circle of friends who are understanding and most of them have issues with anxiety as I do so they understand fully what I'm talking about when in need of a listening ear as I do when they come to me.
Adrian I think it as a lot to do with acceptance of our condition, first one admits the pathalogy of anxiety and then comes accepting it as a part of us...yeah I know easier said then done, thing is if your looking for a destination, meaning (no more anxiety in your life) well in my eyes that might be a problem, as you said in your kind response it is a journey.
So what do I do in those moments, I have come to realize that these moments dont last so I try to embrace them...they are times when its easier than others...but they are alway's transitory, how you may ask does one embrace those moments well this is where acceptance comes in so I stay in the moment or try my best to do so, I allow myself the right to live it...if sadness comes up well I do cry the same goes with anger I have a right to be angry and this might sound weird but its the same with complaining we all have the right to complain...but as time goes by those feelings are less present in my life.
Thats the result of embracing them when they come up, its liberating for me to do so, one other thing the child in me that was so affraid and who was crying out for help, listening to ''him'' and comforting him was a healing time.
So there it is Adrian those are some of the things I did and do with regards to my anxiety, again I tank you for being there you might not be aware of it but your helping me actually, as for me being brave...for sharing I'm just trying to give back and if I did help one person today well as you said I am truly bless.
Your Friend
Suffolk
P.S. Be Well