The swift approach of the New Year can be anxiety inducing for even the most self assured among us. The New Year heralds in all sorts of new expectations, goals, and resolutions which can seem overwhelming. Even the word, “NEW” can be perceived as a scary entity. The reason? New-means change. For anyone who suffers from anxiety the thought of change can be downright terrifying. I think for many of us the reason is clear. Many of the changes we have experienced in our lives have been ones we could not control. For example, in my life I never dreamed that my youngest son would have autism or that I would later develop Multiple Sclerosis. When I think about a new year I always feel some dread and trepidation as to what is hiding around the bend. What life event will sweep me off my feet only to potentially knock me flat on my face? But I have decided this year to change my question to, “What good can happen this year?” Instead of waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop, I want to up the ante for positive things to happen in this New Year.  I am hopeful that my question, in addition to some others I have created, will help you to feel less fear about the upcoming year. Let this be the year you feel more in control and at peace.

Questions to Answer for a Peaceful New Year:

1. Which elements of my life can I change and which elements are not under my control?

This is the basically the serenity prayer in the form of a question. Sometimes it is difficult to figure out the answer to this question because we would like to be more in control than we are. In other instances we give up our power because we underestimate the control we do have. In my life I can use the example of my chronic illness, Multiple Sclerosis. I don’t have any control over having this disease. I must accept that I have it. But I can find every way possible to learn to cope with it and manage it on a day to day basis. I also have control over finding support. I am sure all of us have examples we can share like this. It really helps to know the answer to this question so we don’t waste any precious time trying to change things we cannot and instead, invest our time and energy where we can make a difference.

2. Which relationships do I wish to foster and grow?  Which relationships are toxic and unhealthy for me?

This is another question which may not be so easy for you answer. Yet the answer may save you a lot of time and heartache. There is a mistaken belief that if one simply “works hard enough” that any relationship can be saved, cured, or magically become healthy. It doesn’t work this way. Sometimes work, therapy, and even love is not enough to save a friendship, relationship with a family member, or a romantic relationship. This is particularly true if there is any abuse involved in your relationship. You only have so much time and energy. To save yourself a lot of stress and anxiety it is a wise decision to determine which relationships you wish to grow and which ones to mimimize or even let go.