Merely Me,
I can remember when I was young making New Year's resolutions. Usually, they didn't last long.
I know I have changes I need to make in my life. However, my motivation level is not as high as I wish it were. I know that if I try to make too many changes at once, I will feel overwhelmed, anxious and depressed.
The questions you asked in your post are very thought-provoking, and I appreciate your asking them. I need to give them consideration and see how they fit in my life.
One comment you made regarding your priorities in life made me wonder where you put yourself. I was raised to put others before me, but have learned that making oneself a priority is helpful. The example that comes to mind is the instructions given on an airliner regarding what to do if the passenger compartment is depressurized. An adult with a child is to put their own oxygen mask on first so that he/she will be able to help the child. I know you do take care of yourself; you are just not on your list of priorities. Since I noticed this, that probably means I need to make myself a priority in my life. I'll think about that.
Thanks, MM, and have a happy new year!
patsy
Thank you Patsy
I am thinking about what you are saying and you are absolutely right.
I too have difficulty making myself a priority. But if I don't take time for me...it just won't happen.
Thanks for giving me this bit of wisdom today...I need it!
Let's all have a good year. A fresh start. I like the sounds of it.
Great advice Patsy. I to, put everone else first and completely neglect myself. I am working on this. It is a very old habit learned in childhood. As a matter of fact, I don't generally "feel" at all. My therapist has given me 2 pages if feeling words to carry around and "stop, think, feel then act". It is difficult so far, but I am trying.
Happy New Year to you and be happy, healthy and take care of you!
Which elements of my life can I change and which elements are not under my control?
I can change the way I handle life. I can be more proactive in my health, exercise and learn as much as I can about anxiety, depression, ACOA, controlling people, relationships and etc. The only way I am going to improve my situation, is to do it myself. The things that I can not control, are the fact that I have Rheumatiod Arthritis (RA) and have one more surgery (left elbow) to go to help me feel better. My recovery is somewhat in my control as well. I can focus on thinking more positively and take care of myself. This will help my recover as well as my mental state.
2. Which relationships do I wish to foster and grow?
Which relationships are toxic and unhealthy for me? I need to focus on, foster and grow the relationship with myself, that has never really been allowed to grow. My relationship with my partner is toxic and unhealthy for me. My partner is also an ACOA, has had some tramatic stress and is a controller. I need to learn to protect myself and allow myself an opinion and opportunities to make decessions, enjoy life and grow without the stress and constantly playing defense and placating.
3. How can I increase the odds of good things happening to me this year?
I need to focus on taking care if me and my inner self. I need toget to know me and what I really want. I need to get in touch with my feelings and learn how to actually feel. I need to be positive!
4. What is most important in my life? What gives my life the most meaning?
I am learning how to think of myself as important. I have never done this before. I am going to focus on, in 2012, how to put myself first and how to feel, which I have never done before. It is not easy to break very old habits that were instilled/ learned in early childhood. I also feel good about myself, when I help others and make my little part of the world a better place. :)
5. How do I want to spend my time and energy this year?
Practicing the things I have mentioned above and learning. Knowledge is power and I want to empower myself.
What helps you to feel more at peace?
Finding time to relax and pracice meditation. I am learning to use these skills to deal with the chronic pain of RA, reduce stress and anxiety, and to really get in touch with how I really feel, which is something I never payed any attention to before.
Are there things that you want to do differently this year in order to decrease your overall anxiety?
I want to change/end my 20 year relationship with an aggressive, controlling, disrespectful partner. I want to learn why I thought this kind of treatment of me, was ok and learn from that. I want to learn everything I can from my wonderful LCPC. I want to stop putting all this undo stress and pressure on myself. I want to enjoy a simpler life and not focus so much on work, work, work.
* Thank you so much MM for this article/exercise. This is really helping me to focus and think about what I really want. Thank you so, so much for all the time and effort you put into all the web posts you do. You sacrifice so much of your time and energy for us. How can we ever repay you for all that you have done for us? You have helped me more than you will ever know.
Have a very happy and healthy new year. :)
With much love and gratitude, Rena
Awww...
you are going to make me cry here Rena. This is so nice of you to say. But I have to tell you...I always feel like I get so much more from you guys than I give. I am not just a writer here...I need these sites and this sense of community too. I am grateful to be here and have all these wonderful people including yourself to talk to on a daily basis.
You seem very determined in your answers...I predict you will make some hard but necessary changes in your life.
Please let us know how things go and particularly with your relationship.
I wish you the very best in the new year. You deserve every happiness.
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hi MM
Well ive been thinking about death
I havent been able to go to any appts
I had to cancel my appts
My case manager cant take me
My tooth needs to be pulled
I havent seen my psy. or therapist
Jon
Jon, why don't you read back over the questions in MM's post? Do you see any areas that stand out as a problem? Are you giving too much "mind space" to other people's BS? I know I do. Is there any kind of music you like? Maybe you need an iPOD (available cheap on Ebay) to carry your favorite music around with you. You can check out CD's at the library (I do) and copy them onto iTunes -- you don't have to buy the music. Do you suffer because you feel like you "should" or "must" get certain things done, yet you don't have the energy to do them? Forget it. Just relax for a while. Tomorrow starts a whole new year. There are always reasons for hope. Death takes away all those hopes and opportunities and instead of being able to think about and solve your problems and give hope to other people, all your chances for happiness are gone. Don't let your problems take your life away from you. There is always room for hope. Tell us more about yourself, Jon. I really don't know much about you. Can you give us a bio?
Hi Jon
I am worried about you not getting to your appointments.
How about your tooth? Are you going to the dentist to have it taken care of?
Let us know what is going on. I worry that you are in pain from your tooth.
MM