fearbound

iIam in a similar situation .. not only is he in denial but lies allll the time about it ... i know what i need to do but the question is when and how??? it sucks .. pray alot ! thats all that gets me through some days!

I can only say hearing there is someone out there in the same situation is a small comfort.  I am sorry for your pain.  I don't really know how to deal with this web site yet I'm trying to figure it out.

Hi Heather,

You have my sympathy. It sounds, and I'm sure feels, like a terrible predicament you are in. Obviously I don't know your specific circumstances so the best I feel I can offer at this stage is some fairly general advice. Do feel free to email me if you'd like to open up the discussion:

As much as your partner is abusing himself, by his actions, you are also a victim of abuse. Your 'symptoms' are exactly what I'd expect to hear from someone in an abusive relationship. It is an energy sapping, dignity draining, and highly stressful situation.

You are not responsible for the actions of your partner but I know this is easier to say than to fully take on board. You are no doubt hoping that the situation will change for the better. It may, or may not, but if you want the situation to change you need to take action.

The Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (CSAT) provides a toll-free, 24-hour treatment referral service. They can offer guidance as to the nearest centers and support agencies to you. Call: 1-800-662-HELP

I'm sorry these comments are fairly general but maybe it's something to get you started. What's important is that you don't try to shoulder a burden that can only really get worse. The longer you leave things the harder they will become. It's a big step for you, but once you've taken it you may be surprised at the level of advice and support that can be offered.

I wish you well

Hi Heather,

It breaks my heart to hear you're living like this. It mostly pains me for your children. My mother was an addict & my father IS an alcoholic. I myself now suffer w/ depression & anxiety. I cannot stress to you enough how important it is to take yourself & your kids OUT of this situation. It doesn't matter how little they are. This is going to affect them in a major way if you do not get some help for them & YOURSELF. You cannot force your husband to get help you can only encourage & he will lie & lie again but until you are SURE he is sober you cannot keep exposing your kids to him. They sense your stress at any age. They learn behaviors & habits very early on in life. This is not the future that you want for them. The genetic predisposition to addiction is going to make life hard enough for them. Any harm you think leaving him is going to do, trust me, it's nothing compared to staying. Take it from one who knows. Be strong & be smart. Keep your children safe.

Peace & best wishes,

Dee