Dear TexinMaine,

Looking for ways to be supportive to a person experiencing anxiousness or worry is very thoughtful, sensitive and caring.

You mention that she "had a long problem, going back many years with a fear of death." Did this fear or concern derive from a specific event? If so, this may be what requires attention regarding her well-being. Is your fiancée engaging in any form of therapy for her anxiety or any medications? The aspect of therapy to find the underlying cause of her fear of death may help her to recognize her fear for what it is and move beyond it.

Also, as Dr. Kleiner points out in his sharepost on Ruminations (Under Generalized Anxiety Disorder) (March 25), a person can experience compounding worry that creates the anxiousness--in this case, about health and fear of dying. It feeds upon itself in an endless loop that never gets resolved--and it is the uncertainty that creates the anxiety.

In my experience, when it comes to supporting another with anxiety, several factors are important:

1. Do not dismiss her concerns. Guide her to understanding why she feels this way and again, encourage her to seek therapeutic support to address her concerns so that they do not continue to override her daily life.
2. If she has health concerns (and it sounds like it as you share she "currently" does not have heart concerns) I take this to mean she may have in the past. Is she managing her heart health through nutrition, meds, exercise, relaxation, etc? You could be encouraging and supportive in how she approaches this aspect of her health as well.
3. When it comes to weight, perhaps the two of you could go on a healthy-living diet--not so much to lose weight, but to eat nourishing and low-fat, low-sodium, low-sugar foods. Just changing up what you eat can make a difference in weight issues. If exercise is added (perhaps a walk after dinner) you could start up a new routine of walking every other day after dinner around the block a few times and build up over time. If she feels you are on her team and will do the eating changes and dieting with her, this may be of great support and motivation for her.

Perhaps you are already doing all of these things. These are just my thoughts. If you have more specific questions, please feel free to ask. Also, on these pages, you may find additional information about various therapies, signs and symptoms of anxiety, and this may also help her to know she is not alone in the way she feels and that there is support (through you as well as others in same or similar situations [support groups] as well as direct therapy).

Best,

Kimberly Tyler