I have OCD and GAD with Acute pnaic attacks. I was badly abused as a child, and married an emotionally abusive man..and as a result I suffer from PTSD
My days are filled with horrible thoughts and endless rituals, OCD related. For instance, if I have a pair of scissors in my hand...I am convinced that I will cut the web of flesh between my thumb and forefinger, I must put the implement down before I do it! Very upsetting. Another example; when I am walking down the sidewalk, I will get this picture over and over and over in my mind...I see myself trip, fall...smash my mouth on the pavement...I can see myself getting up...screaming, my mouth a jagged bloody hole...so awful!! Unless I take my medication I am plauged with thoughts like these and many others, all about being in a situation I cannot control, and being hurt, or feeling as if I am about to lose control and hurt myself! I HATE typing this as I do, I sound like a freak! for me, it's OCD that makes me anxious, which leads to panic attacks which include vomiting, dizziness and sometimes fainting! so scary because I do everything alone, and I live alone (at least I can control that enviroment) One of these days I am going to have a panic attack and there will be noone there to help and I will be killed! I'm scared all the time!! I don't want to leave my home. I hate anxiety, I hate how it's ruining my life.
As id mentioned I take medication, but I am henpecked by a healthcare system that makes me feel like a freaking junkie...so i don't take it as often as I should, I hoard it instead! (ARRRG I don't want to do that either!!! Hoarding sucks and getting in the way of leading a healthy life!!!!!!) I am afraid to even mention the name of this benzo...I am convinced doing so will render the medication either unavailable to me, or ineffective.
I am so lonely. There is noone, anywhere in my life that understands my problem! I feel certain...absolutley certain that my OCD and GAD will be my demise!!! So scared, all day, everyday. 
oh anna dear, you are not alone! at all, believe me. how do i know? because everything you wrote and feel i feel all the time and if i feel it too and you do as well then we are not alone although it feels that way. doesn't it feel like no matter how you describe how you are feeling no dr or friend understands or is misdiagnosing you? that is how i feel. i have ocd(thoughts) and gad with a touch of depression. i take meds and have been going through an anxious phase and am pissed because if i'm on all these meds they should work. so frustrating, but we have to go on and fight it. but please never think that you are alone. contact me if you want.
Hi Anna, I suffer Depression [quite badly] Anxiety, OCD and PTSD. I just want to say that Ive pretty much suffered those things you explained. I couldnt go under a shower for years. Terrified to have a bath incase I drowned !! I spent hours and hours checking to see if all the taps were turned off. in Bed, ont he bus to work [good old days when I had work]such was the intensity of the the OCD that Id have to get off the bus, get another one back home to check that I hadnt left the Grill on, the cooker on, The taps running, the door not shut, that Id closed the windows. fed the Cat, plugged out my iron. It was a humiliating dis-ease. I was late for work, Another one was incessantly checking in my bag to see that Id brought my wallet and my keys.
Now the 10th time you check, you k now that youre not logical but theres this awful anxiety pushing you to do it. I couldnt have cooking knives, look over bannisters.
I understand anxiety. The SSRIs have helped. infact theyre the only thing thats helped. Im presently on Lexapro. I know this site isnt about promoting meds but Ive found that the Lexapro is good for GAD, for my Agoraphobia and Depression. I wish you relief as I know exactly what youre going thru. i still come back the odd time to check the taps. Howver, not coming back is very empowering and good for the OCD but you already know that im sure.
Youre right...coming back to check over and over just adds to the anxiety. I have taken Lexpro and other SSR's but i have a unique and horrible reaction to this class of drugs called "Serotonin Syndrome"... sweating, pounding heart, irrational and agressive behavior. I even began having occular disturbances...it was a good thing I was in the hospital at the time, being mistreated for Bipolar disorder, because my reaction could have ended fatally.
To be frank, I don't suffer from depression...just frustration and guilt, that come with dealing with OCD and Panic Attacks. I feel gulity all the time...like I am doing something wrong, for instance, when I can't go on a date or work. Believe me it's a relief to engage my typical methods of avoidance, but I pay for it with my jobs and relationships, and wind up feeling horridly guilty.
Dear Anna, Believe it or not, I am exceptionally sensitive to SSRIs and had dreadful experiences on them, v much like you said, however, in the end, the Anxiety, Agoraphobia, panic disorder, and Depression plus the OCD got so bad that I stayed on Paxil [we call it Seroxat in Europe] side effects calmed down after 2 weeks of HELL. It did start then to kick in and I found the relief from checking taps, the whole gamut of OCD. Guilt and shame and remorse and anxiety are at the core [my humble opinion]. I do know the shrink at the time said the more I went back to check, or checked for my keys in my bag etc, The more I re inforced the OCD. So I started NOT repeating these rituals, it was hell at first but with the tabs, I eventually got it under control. I still have it to a degree and it gets much worse when im under stress, hurt, worried. So its definitely a response to a TSD or anxiety. Im sorry the SSRIs didnt suit but sedation does help too. anything to give you a break Ann from this awful Anxiety. i wish you the very best, from a cold and sleety Ireland.