I have been having these dreams for about 2 years now. I saw a therapist while in my late 30s, early 40s, about drinking, self esteem issues. While in therapy, the childhood abuse surfaced big time. I couldn't handle it and withdrew for quite a time. Didn't drink or drug for 26 years. Pushed the thoughts back away and tried to go on with life. That worked for a number of years, until 2 years ago. One of my daughters, top of her HS class, scholarship to college and all, decided to drop out in her first year (going for premed) marry the village idiot, turn to drugs, and become a stripper. I crashed and burned big time. At that time I went back drinking,and the recurring abuse memories returned, along with severe depression and anxiety attacks.I've recently stopped drinking, am on antidepressants and xanax, but don't seem to be progressing to rapidly. Years ago I got into some trouble with the law, and totally lost control when handcuffed behind my back.The only things I know about the arrest are what led up to the handcuffs, after that I seemed to blackout ( for lack of a better descriptive word) The only things I know about the time after that are the things the witnesses and police told me later. From what I'm told, I begged my mother to stop hurting me, and tried to run. I should add that my father was a cop, and my mother had access to batons, handcuffs, etc. To this day (I'm in my late 50s) I freak out when I see a cop behind me on the road. I just would like to find some form of peace within my self before I die. Just some form of peace and tranquility. The only time I've gotten any of that was when I self medicated with drugs ang alcohol. Bach to the beginning, how do I stop the nightmares?