Ok, this is a pretty long story, but that is because my anxiety is so bad I feel unconfortable discussing everything with my doctor.

I guess I have always had this.  My mother was very protective and nervous and I remember having a lot of sleeping problems when I was a kid.  I would be scared to sleep, but I do not remember why.  I've had a decently normal childhood.  I am and always was a little overly sensitive.  I cry during everything, even if someone is just telling me the end of a movie or sad book.  I am not sure if that has anything to do with anything, but I will explain why this could be something more in a little while.  My mother is taking xanax everyday.  Her doctor told her she has anxiety, if this means anything.  She is old school and really doesn't believe in that, but she gave in and takes it because it makes her feel better.

Ok, so now to the more recent stuff.  About 4 years ago I realized I had some type of anxiety.  I did not really read up on it, but I mentioned it to my primary doctor.  She had asked me if it came when I had my period and I thought for a minute and said yes that made sense.  She gave me a couple of pills (generic for klonopin, I think clonezepam).  I took these pills only when I really really needed it.  I guess they mellowed me out, but I just haaate taking medicine.  Even bringing this up to her was hard for me.  It is so weird because sometimes it is so easy for me to talk to people, but other times i just get nervous no matter who i am talking to and I keep wondering what they are thinking.  Then I do not know what to do as I am talking to whoever and I play with my hair, bite my nails, bite my lip, but i feel like i have to do something.

So now I have it in my head that it only comes during my period.  I told my gyno the next time I went for a checkup.  She told me I could have PMDD.  After looking it up, i thought that could be true.  It sounded enough like me, so I started taking Sarafem about 2 sometimes 1 week before my period.  It seemed like it could have been true because my mood swings were completely out of control and I was irritated so easily.  I would be mad one minute, sad the next and tired all the time.

Now I am going to describe my anxiety a little more in detail.  After going to the dr.  i started to really pay attention to when I got anxiety.   It is not just when I get my period, or right before.  It is completely random.  Sometimes it would come on all of a sudden.  A panic attack.  I felt like my vision got distorted, the walls were closing in, my heart omg my heart just beats so fast it feels like it is coming out of my chest.  Then I strt to think omg I am having a heart attack.  I get hot and dizzy my jaw hurts and I get these horrible headaches in the back of my head.  It was even hard for me to catch my breath and recently I have been feeling like my chest is heavy.  I convince myself that these headaches are like a brain tumor, or anurism.  I know that these thought are not rational, but I can't get myself out of that mindset.  I used to tell my mom and my boyfirend about this and they used to make me feel better, but lately they just got so used to me saying it so often that they don't really help anymore.  I feel like I am going crazy, like I am just going to wake up in a mental hospital.  It's hard to swallow and I just want to cry because no one understands.

I still have some klonopin left, but I hate taking them.  And I know this sounds weird, but when I have anxiety I feel like something is going to happen to me or around me.  I feel like if I do take something to calm me down I will not be alert enough if something was to happen.  And I hate taking the Sarafem because I feel like when i do take it, no matter how early in the morning, I can't sleep at night.  I do not think it helps that much with my anxiety either, and I am very uneasy about taking "antidepresants", because of everything you read. 

I tried exercising and it gives me worse anxiety.  I hate going to the gym it feels like everyone is staring at me, and then when I get used to going I get home and my heart is racing, I can't relax.  I tried doing puzzles, but I can't relax my mind.  I need to FINISH the puzzle that night.  I hate leaving anything to be done the next day, or something like soduko is not relaxing for me because i have to win and I have to finish.  If I do not it gives me worse anxiety, because I feel like if i do not finish something bad will happen. 

I tried reading a book, or watching movies, but I get way too wrapped up in them.  I feel totally connected to te characters and action movies make me anxious and sad books make me cry. I have even tried smoking and that just makes it a lot worse...

This is really affecting my every day life, and I really need help to control this.  I swear u would probably never know any of this if u met me.  I have friends and a normal job, a boyfriend and a great family.  Could this be something more serious?  Should I go get an MRI/EKG/ any other test??

These feelings come and go, but the past 2 weeks I have felt like this everyday.  I even have panic attacks in my dreams.  I feel like I am not safe anywhere.

Thank you for listening to me go on and on.  All of your help is really appreciated.