I am a 40 year old male and I have difficulty experiencing sadness. Sure I get sad, but I usually bottle it up pretty good; I have a difficult time releasing the emotion and rarely cry because I find it difficult to do. As I get older, I feel my inability to feel sad, has contributed to more frequent feelings of anger and feelings of anxiety.
What can I do to release this emotion again?
Hi Sadly,
I'm sorry to read this but I also feel what you are saying is all too typical in men. You highlight sadness as the emotion but I wouldn't be at all surprised if this is just one of several emotions that you are containing.
Men are very well socialised into not expressing their emotions and curiously this includes some of the more positive emotions. Men are generally less expressive than women. Women tend to smile more, and are much more at ease in expressing so-called negative emotions both by physical and verbal means. The one possible exception here is anger.
Your emotional wellbeing is intrinsically linked to your behavior. I would say that the fact you have asked the question probably means that you feel your emotional life is unfulfilled. A life of controlling emotions can lead to an over-controlled life.
What to do? I'm not sure of the answer. I could suggest that one of the talking therapies might help? It might also be the case that you have reached a 'certain age' and are starting a process of personal reflection. This personal journey is something you might want to take yourself or with a trusted friend? You might want to embark on a hobby or interest that enables your emotional self to rise to the surface in a more measured way - drama, or singing, or poetry, for example?
I hope this helps a little
Sadly - I think that Jerry had some very important things to say in his response. I would whole heartedly encourage you to consider finding a therapist and engaging in an expressive therapy that shys away from focusing on your thinking and moves toward helping you identify and experience what you are feeling. I find that men often can not identify or label what they are experiencing emotionally and it may be helpful for you to work with a tool like a "Feeling Words" list as a means of increasing mindfulness of your emotions. You may also want to try journalling as a means of expressing feelings. However, my guess is that after a lifetime of emotional suppression you will probably need a little help from another person you trust.
Rick Wirtz
Rick Wirtz is a Psychologist, not a Psychiatrist. Although the majority of Psychologists are not authorized to prescribe medications or give you specific advice about them, they typically have experience working with patients who take a variety of medications. The response above is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical or mental disorder. Any information given in a post about medication is for educational purposes only and primarily to aid you in having an informed discussion with your own physician.
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