I feel very anxious and mildly depressed if I don't do them.
These are mundane tasks and have nothing to do with germs or cleaning.
Examples: using particular spoons, only certain types. When I stop playing the guitar, I have to end with a particular chord progression every time. I have to close doors a particular way. There are many more, but here's the gist--it starts out seemingly innocent (oh, I like taking this route to get to class) and slowly but surely every aspect of my life has some form of required behavior involved, until I am living almost moment to moment carrying out some kind or task.
I feel as if I won't be depressed or nervous if I do these things, and if I do them I feel temporarily relaxed. If I feel bad that day, or something goes wrong, I secretly blame it on not doing one of these strange ritual-like tasks ("it's because I used the cup I never use" etc) and I feel quite depressed.
I do think I need help.
