Thank you for your question and welcome to HealthCentral's Anxiety Community.

It sounds like you have been going through a rough time and I am sorry for that. I am sure, when your partner said that he couldn't think about your feelings, it hurt a lot.We all want and deserve to feel important.

You don't mention whether your partner is getting treatment for anxiety. If so, then you might want to request that you and him both talk with his therapist about what is going on in your relationship and work together to find ways to make it better.

Anxiety is an illness and what you describe is something I hear fairly often from those family members/friends of people with mental illness. Imagine someone in a great deal of pain; the pain takes over their thoughts and it is almost impossible to think about the pain of others at that moment. However, if your partner wants a relationship, it is up to him to get treatment and work to manage symptoms so he can think about something other than himself.

It is impossible for you to change the way your partner thinks or feels, but it is possible to change how you react to his behavior. You have every right to demand that you are also important. But you need to be able to say, "I can't change how you feel but this is what I am going to do..." Before you say this, decide what it is you are willing to do (work on having your own interests, spend less time together, offer only limited support, break up, etc) You have to worry about your own happiness as well.

For more information:

For Family Members: Are You an Enabler?

What to Say When Someone is Having an Anxiety Attack

Solutions to Caregiver Stress

The Caregiver's Bill of Rights

8 Tips for Helping a Friend or Relative with an Anxiety Disorder

I hope this helps.

Eileen

concerned88

11/ 7/12 4:40pm

Hi Eileen,

 

thanks for the response. We've been together 8 years now and i dont want to give up on him, but im just out of ideas of how to help him. He isnt a great talker and tends to bottle his feelings up.

 

He has seen a therapist for a few sessions and he seemed fine for a while and he seemed to understand his issues a bit better. But it has taking a hold of him again, he is always on health anxiety forums and is extremely helpful to others but doesnt seem to take his own advise.

 

I will suggest he needs to go back to a therapist who can help him out professionly rather than my, im always here approach!

 

Thank you!!