I'm very concerned about a friend who has had a long history of illness. I believe she has become obsessed with her medical conditions and draws attention to herself through them. I also believe that she manipulates family, friends and doctors with her knowlege of the medical field. She is becoming addicted to prescription pain relievers and moves from doctor to doctor. I do believe that she is ill but I also thinks she enjoys the attention and exxagerates her illness. I do not think she knows that she is doing this. She becomes very angry and upset if you try to talk to her about it and makes you feel guilty. How would you catergorize this condition and how would you suggest we get help for her?
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Q: I'm very concerned about a friend who has had a long history of illness.
Answers (2)
7/21/10 2:38pm
Hey there
I agree with Donna's assessment. If what you say is true then your friend may fight to keep this going. When you do talk to her about this, how do you phrase things? And are you absolutely sure that she is obsessing or is she genuinely anxious about her conditions. What medical issues does she have by the way?
If you want to keep her as a friend I would steer conversations away from the medical stuff and more onto everyday life. Can she talk about normal non-medical topics?
I wish you the best. Let us know how things work out.
7/20/10 7:36pm
There is a syndrome called "Munchausen's" where a person draws attention to him or herself by feigning serious medical symptoms. They go often to doctor(s) and the hospital(s) hoping to have professionals hover around them, sending them for tests, focusing on them alone. These people can often cause real harm to themselves by swallowing foreign objects, claiming severe headaches, etc., and they often get their symptoms from health/medical sites on the Internet. So they know exactly how to mimic a real disease.
It may be that once your friend became the object of the family's focus and was showered with caregiving and love, she learned to depend on it to boost her ego. And to feel wanted. But it's a sad way to go about doing it. Your friend will doubtless miss a lot of the good in life by settling for being "the afficted one." She has learned it is easier to manipulate others into caring for her rather than earning it.
I realized after I had been in the hospital a number of times that it was an "easy" way out of participating in life. I could go there, have all my meals provided, go to group therapy twice a day, have every hour scheduled, and have to do nothing in return but send the bill to my insurance company. It wasn't that I was trying to get attention, though, as much as it was trying to get away from making any decisions. Depression and anxiety made me want to do nothing, and perhaps I needed freedom from the stresses of life in order to recover.
If I were you, I wouldn't be quick to say your friend set out to manipulate people and the system. Perhaps there is something behind it, something she is trying to avoid, or is simply giving up on the hope that life can be rich and fulfilling. It is easy to do when you are suffering.
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By Pollyanna— Last Modified: 12/26/10, First Published: 07/20/10
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Wow, thanks for your input. She seems to live in her own reality and doesn't realize what is happening. As a young woman she had a severe respiratory illess and overcame it. I'm sure her pain is real. But to what extent I am not sure.