Hi, my name is Linda and I have used this site before, and i could really use some advise. I was an innocent victim of a violent crime, and now all these years later and it is still with me. I was shot with a 22 gauge shotgun (face,head,hand,shoulder and mouth) and to this day, loud noises and sudden movements are my worst enemies, if a door should slam because of the wind i jump a mile, and i am a wreck the rest of the day, if someone comes up behind me and spooks me, i react by swinging at the person. I cannot handle fireworks, the forth of july is a nighmare. I suffer from panic attacks, anxiety, depression and also have fibromyalgia..I am in therapy for other things, but they tie into it. I am on medication including zanax and nortryptiline, and pain meds. My anniversary is Oct. 20th and i remember it as if it were yesterday. I have friends that have been molested, and non of them seem to have been effected by their trauma. I have to sit on the outside of a restaurant booth, i have to know where all my outs are (exit doors) etc, I am constantly looking behind me. My therapist and i did try to talk about this before, but i got so angry we had to stop. Other times I am waiting for someone to try something on me, just so i can let out my anger. I hold a steady job, i do my best to keep things under control, and i do a good job at it for the most part... I am extremely emotional.... realllyyyyyy emotional... I just went and had a five hour neuro psych test done, and I am scared of what the results of that are,, I broke down with that doctor when i was asked if i was ever in the hospital,, yes-28 years ago,, for what? I was shot,,,and I LOST IT.,,, can anyone offer any advice,,, thank you so much,,,, Linda
Q: Help.. PTSD- SHOOTING VICTIM-28 YRS AGO- I AM STILL SUFFERING,, HELP PLEASE
Linda
Thank you for your question and welcome to AnxietyConnection.com.
I am not a medical professional and would not be able to give you medical advice.
I am sorry you are still having such a difficult time. I cannot imagine the horror you must have gone through, and are still going through. I can, however, understand a little bit. I am a survivor of domestic violence, I left my abuser more than 20 years ago and still have a hard time sometimes. I cannot watch shows or read stories that depict domestic violence without it all coming flooding back. If I do, I will have sleepless nights, feeling everything as if it is still happening. I have gotten to the point that memories don't flood back for no reason, there are certain triggers, such as watching a television show.My current husband is very understanding, he will change the channel if he sees something he knows will upset me.
Anyway, I tell you this to let you know you are not alone, there is nothing wrong with you that you still have anxiety over this incident. There have been some posts on the site about treating PTSD that might be helpful:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Complex-PTSD and Psychotherapy Treatments - Anxiety
PTSD Treatment: More Complicated than Just "Letting Go" ...
I hope this helps
Eileen
I was shot last December 26th. 2009. By an x boyfriend. 4 times with a 45 caliber gun. twice in my belly, once in my arm and once in my back and that one ended up coming out of my mouth. I know how you feel and I act like I am doing better than I am. I have kids and have to do good for my kids but I am very sad and I get very scared.
Everyone says I am a miracle and that I am doing so good. they all want and need me to be me again and to be doing good. So that is part the reason I am, and partly because I am strong. Its very upsetting to see that this will not go away and that this is my new normal.
My x was killed by the police. They shot him outside of my home. he shot me in my home and I was in a coma for a month. A bit nervous about the holidays and them being ok. the 26th is my moms birthday and that makes it difficult for her and I hate that its her birthday. We definatley need to try and celebrate life since we have been given another chance.. And I saw what other ppl wrote to you. I am not lying and my story was on the news and can be looked up...... dont know why I answered but I hope you are well.
My name is Heidi
thank you Heidi, I am very sorry about what "Frank John" said, that was very insensitive. Yes anniversaries are tough. I hope that with councelling,and the friends you have are comforting and helpful
It was such a shame that he is such an emotional disaster that he had to pretend to be so many other people, did you notice how all the people that wrote in said the same thing about them selfs, when the cursor is placed over the persons name it shows some information, like over yours it might say something, but all his said the same.
well enough about him, he needs help and hopefully will get it. I am happy that you are coping as well as you are, I am sure you have your bad days as well.. please try to have a great holiday, take care
hi linda so sorry.something like being shot is something that will always be with you.just have to take it day by day.and ask GOD to help you get by day by day.
Its messed up you had to live with this like, most of my life. I will be 33 in September, and I got shot in 1996. The face, the back of my head got grazed, shot in the back neck and chest, 6 times all together. See I wasnt innocent allthough I was just 17, I wanted to be a gangster, and thats what I got. My family still cried, my uncle videoed me in ICU and made me watch it the day I got out of the hospital.
Im not sure exactly what happened sis, but I know its hard, cause here I am grown and sick from this PTSD **it and Im about to lose my wife and 3rd family, I just wanna be normal, and its a hard road trying to find a way to recognize what "normal" is.
Just wanted to say you aint alone, God bless you in the Name of Jesus! He is all we got!
B Marcus Shoberg The Black Man Stand Up Movement (Founder)
Dr. Mr. Marcus,
Thank you vry much for sharing your story, and i do appologize for just getting back to you. I was with the wrong crowd myself, I know I was just a kid still, just as you were. I do look at it as...that happened for a reason,, yes it su__ed, still does. But had I not been a victim OR you, we prob. wouldnt be the people we are, we are lucky to get a second chance, It was my wake up call, and it was my turning point as well. I read your response several times, as far as your uncle video taping it,, I have no clue why someone would do that... I hope it wasnt to make you watch it, shit you learned enough from it (pardon the language) I am still troubled with the surprising "bangs" and "sudden movements" working on things in therapy etc. and the web sites provided above are very helpful. I hope you are doing better and found either some peace or therapy to help you. I am working on it, and will continue. Someone posted something below I would like to adress, please drop me a line again, and let me know how your doing. Again sry for not writing sooner. take care,,Linda
Ever thought of joining a rifle club?
Or....
Ever tried remembering the incident but this time changing the outcome in your mind's eye, so you hear the gunshots, feel the pain..but this time the pain is from passers-by grabbing you and pushing you to the ground..the bullets go on past you and hit a shop window which has the reflection of the shooter within it. As the bullets hit the window the shooter's image is shattered and destryed...you turn round to see the shooter lying on the street ...he is destroyed. You get up...brush yourself off...thank the passers-by and breathe in a deep sense of calm, wellbeing and envigorating purpose for the future.
Hypno
Hi Hypno,
thank you for writing, I do appreciate it, after I read the first line of your reply, I was taken back a bit, my defensive mode was ready. But as I read along I undersand what you were trying to do/say. I thank you. Your heart was in the right place no doubt. Had I posted being a RAPE VICTIM- would you suggest the same story above but change it to me standing in the street naked and changing the outcome as the rapist came near me and jumped at me he hit his head and knocked himself out instead of raping me? PLEASE dont think i am being rude, I just needed to point out that,,there are ways we (innocent victims of violent crimes) can face the demon's and there are some of us that cannot. Yet at the same time you are right, we need to rid that same old picture that plays in our minds over and over, but sometimes its hard,- for example, I was having a great day recently and I was not thinking of what happened, then I smelled a pizza from a near by restaurant, and it just hit me like a ton of bricks... I went into ptsd mode. Because I was shot in the parking lot of a pizza restaurant, and still can remember the smell. So yes, there is alot we can do as you mentioned above but not in this case. However, I want to THANK YOU very much for taking the time to respond, what might not have helped me might have helped another sufferer. I really do thank you. Linda
Eat lots of pizza in a safe environment...you will then lose the link...
Hypno
Dear Hypno-
yes, absolutely,, that my friend is facing my demons...eating the pizza, being around it, I totaly understood your advise and I thank you.
One of the best places to be at peace is at the ocean,,,, this week while on vaca I was on the beach, there was a pirate ship, it was pretty neat, it was out at sea while I was on the beach, but could see it fairly well. The ship (without me expecting) this to happen started shooting off canon balls (blank) the first one I went right into my position which would be hands in front of my face for protection and ducking( well no, not that kind of duck,lol) but yes, you were so right, and i know what you mean, eating lots of pizza, putting myself in a safe envirment (sp) with the smell of pizza, and getting use to the feeling of being safe,,I guess I was trying to say, was that, we never know when something will trigger our PTSD. such as what i was stating. - I hope you are well, and thanks for re-defying your first suggestion... Thank you, Linda
read books about emdr. this has proved vastly superior to traditional therapies. it has been used succesfully with train conductors who've been traumatized by jumpers, rape victims, war survivors.
Hi Pbegin,
Thank you for your response. Could you be more specific Re: emdr.? is it emergency doctor? is that what that stands for? I am very much interested in reading up on what you wrote, I am just not sure what emdr stands for.Thank you again. Therapy is helping but of course i cannot live at my therapist and I would like to do more homework. I really appreciate you taking the time to drop a line. I have come to realize that a lot of trauma was held emotionaly when i was younger, then victimized later in life with the shooting. I have also got stronger since I have posted this, but stronger doesnt stop the flashbacks, however I am just now starting to learn how to recognize and deal (somewhat) when a flashback comes out of the blue. I would like to read up on what you suggested, and thank-you once again.
Linda
Hi...
emdr is basically a technique that asks you to recount the event but whilst doing so keep rapidly moving your eyes from left to right and right to left all the time you are talking...I would add this point... it is very important for you to describe events from the time before the incident when you were very relaxed and confident to the point after the incident when you were feeling relaxed again. The theory is you use the behavioural actions of the body (Rapid Eye Movement during REM sleep) to access both sides of the brain and recaptures what you do normally in the dreaming state of sleep...as you know dreaming is to help us resolve situations by providing often ficticious conclusions to events....oh and as for your earlier comments above...make up your own visualisation ...one that would work for you...the one I gave was by way of example...some people like superman to intervene...some people like to see the person punished in some way...anyway I think you get the concept now. Some people make the traumatic event into a comedy ! Why...because it doesn't change history..it just rewrites the memory so that the event is no longer linked to your panic buttons...you still know what actiually happened but you don't have to suffer the ongoing anxiety about it for ever more!
If the emdr doesn't work straightaway then do the same but this time while you are recounting the event from the time of relaxation before the event to the time after the event, view the event from the position of a third party observer and position yourself ABOVE the scene..so you can watch yourself within the scene...this fistances you from the emotion whilst you are recounting it..ideally you should feel no emotion ...just watch the event as if it is on a tv screen...then keep playing the scene backwards and forwards rapidly rewinding it and fast forwarding it -always between the two points of relaxation.As you do this you will be moving your eyes left to right, right to left etc....you can also transfer this to seeing yourself watching a tv screen and using the rewind technique and turning the volume down so you can't hear the gunshot....then smash the tv up ...in your imagination...
Anyway good luck...the point is when you describe the event you need to try and either change the emotional programming associated with the event or you need to become emotionally distanced from the event by being a third party observer...otherwise all you are doing is restimulating yourself to the original event's emotional programming and getting anxious.
I like to remind myself that "History is history and not in the future"
Good luck and best wishes.
Hypno
Hi Hypno,
thank you for clarifying that, very interesting,...we (therapist) and my self started working on the ptsd area, and i guess I got just a TAD angry,, and she needed to end the session,,,oops, atleast i didnt total her office,, lol..
you have a great out look, and i believe that you are someone who has gone through a lot. As well as done a lot of work on yourself,,... thank you for your insight and ideas, muchly appreciated. What exactly does emdr stand for???. I do work with people with mental health disorders, It actually helps me, and I also can understand and be more sympathetic towards these people and do feel I can do a better job, when i am working one on one with certain patients, I dont even think about me or my issues, however i am so much for focused, prob. because I do understand, thank god it does not interfer.,,,again THANK YOU VERY MUCH,, i would like to talk to my therpist about the emdr, but dont know exactly what it stands for.I will try to find it and talk with my therapist about it, and maybe we can eventually lean towards that. you have been a lot of help. Sometimes hearing it from another person(s) shines more light on it, you have been great.!!!! have a good day 
Linda
Hi Linda,
I won't say what emdr stands for as "pbegin" has already done so!
Just wanted to say that:
I've posted a sharepost that you may also find of some interest/value (?) entitled "Overcoming Stuckness in PTSD."
The reason I posted this is because I noticed a couple of phrases you were using in your postings and it struck an accorde with an experience of mine.
I will add here though the quote ..."Think that you can, or, think that you can't. You are always right."
Kind Regards and Good luck!
Hypno
eye movement desensitization response. read the history of it's development. i personally know of trauma victims who have been helped remarkably.
Thank you very much, I did want to research that, with the exact phrase. I appreciate your taking the time again to explain, sometimes I have a hard time reading between the lines, although I understood what you were saying, I didnt understand what the exact term meant. You have been a great help.
Linda
Linda,
I notice you said you have fibromyalgia...have you tried relaxation meditations/clinical hypnotherapy to see if you can reduce the symptoms that way. I found them to be helpful techniques myself.
Hence the handle...Hypno!
Hi Linda,
I would really appreciate it if you would write down in words to me your expression of the anger you feel for the person who shot you...and then write down the underlying beliefs you hold dear to you which this person's actions contravened. The reason I say this is that I found this to be a helpful exercise as I was then in a position to EXPRESS my ANGER SAFELY. I didn't need to hit anyone, lash out, wreck anywhere, be distructive...instead I was able to learn how to CONSTRUCT a deeper understanding of myself and how I interact with others and the world!
Hypno
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Dear Eileen,
I am very sorry about your horror as well, it makes my blood boil. I am sure you ended up with someone really special who appreciates you and understands you as well as an unconditional love... i want to thank you very much for the info you sent, i will look at it tomorrow, as i kept this as new. Thank you for taking the time to write and share. thank you very much. Linda