Sunday, October 30, 2011 Donna Moorefield asks

Q: My boyfriend of 20 yrs. has liver cancer for the 2nd.time in 3 yrs., even after a transplant in 2009. I feel VERY OVERWHELMED with taking care of everthing. I'm having serious anxiety issues. Am I bei

Am I being selfish? He gets upset when i go outside for 30 minutes or more and my 17yr. old daughter also treats me like I'm bad for not being there every minute. He is at home and not been hospitalized yet but it may be soon.I have other people to be there with him, I always feel like they think I don't care if I go somewhere for a break. I am so close to a breakdown I have had to go to the hospital for panic attacks. Am I selfish? I don't know how to cope with this!! Thank you so much!

- A
- A
- A

Answers (4)

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide

11/ 2/11 9:41am

Donna

What a difficult time you must be having right now. It is not selfish for you to want and need a break from time to time. It seems that your boyfriend's other relatives should be pitching in to make sure you get some time away from the situation and to give you time to be with your daughter.

I know that it is hard for everyone in the situation, but you can't be there 24 hours a day, every day without your own emotional and physical health suffering. Maybe you can set up a schedule and let others take some of the time so you can attend to other details in your life, including your daughter but most especially, yourself.

I did write a post that may be helpful: Coping With Stress When Caring for a Terminally Ill Relative

Eileen

Merely Me

11/ 1/11 8:30pm

Hello Donna

My goodness...no. You are not selfish...you are human!

Anyone facing such a situation would need a break from all this. This is tremendous pressure and responsibility for you. I am so sorry you are going through this.

Is it possible for you to get a break in caregiving? You do need breaks in order to keep going.

Do you have any supports? Do you have any friends, family, or loved ones who can help out? What about medical support? Can your boyfriend's doctor recommend someone to come into the home to physically help?

Here is some information from The National Cancer Institute about Caring for the Caregiver which may be helpful to you.

Please let us know if we can give you any more resources.

You need to take care of you so that you are able to take care of your loved ones.

Thank you for reaching out here.

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide

11/ 2/11 10:50am

Donna

After I read your question I went searching for more information on caregivers and ended up writing this post: The Caregiver's Bill of Rights.

I hope it helps

Eileen

11/ 2/11 1:09pm

Donna, you are not selfish. This may have to do with his personality. He probably was clinging before and now with cancer, he feels even more insecure. He has his own emotional problem. I suggest that while you go ahead take a break for your own sanity, he should also try to find some cancer support group to help himself.

I am a cancer survivor so I know he may need to have an outlet for himself to relieve this tension/fear as a cancer survivor who had a transplant. It is serious. But he cannot become unreasonable towards you either.

Hope things will improve,

Q: My boyfriend of 20 yrs. has liver cancer for the 2nd.time in 3 yrs., even after a transplant in 2009. I feel VERY OVERWHELMED with taking care of everthing. I'm having serious anxiety issues. Am I bei

Related Questions

Ask a Question