Saturday, June 23, 2012 Corinne C asks

Q: How can I help my boyfriend who is suffering from PTSD? Suggested book or website?

My boyfriend of 2 years recently found out he had PTSD. When he was 22 his first wife took their son and left without any warning. He then remarried 4 years after with a woman who ended up being bipolar. She left him 2 years ago without warning. We have been together since then and had a beautiful healthy relationship until he lost his job at 53 years old. He was a high level executive. Since then I can barely recognize him. He says he doesn't know if he wants to stay with me because he is not sure he can provide me with the level of love I deserve but he still loves me. I can see he really loves me but he is so scared to be hurt again. I don't know what I am supposed to do. he is such a good man but in so much pain. He started treatment with EMDR. Is there a good book out there that could help me help him or a good website? I don't want to lose him and I have no doubt whatsover he loves me. Please help

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Answers (2)

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide

6/25/12 6:33pm

Corinne

Thank you for your question and welcome to Health Central's Anxiey Connection.

It is wonderful that you want to help your boyfriend. The best way to help is to offer your support and encouragement, without enabling him. While you can be understanding of his past and the traumatic events, you can't let him use these as an excuse for giving up. Since he just received this diagnosis, him and his doctor should discuss the treatment options and create a treatment plan. Many times treatment includes therapy and medication but that is up to the individual.

Reading about PTSD is certainly a good start. It will help you understand what to expect and what types of symptoms to look for. I am sorry that I can't recommend any specific books for you but have included some links that may be helpful:

Frequently Asked Questions About Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Helping a Loved One with Anxiety: What to Do and What Not to Do

8 Tips for Helping a Friend or Relative with an Anxiety Disorder

Good luck and please check back and let me know how you and your boyfriend are doing.

Eileen

Corinne C

6/25/12 10:03pm

Eileen, Thank you so much for taking the time to answer me. It brought tears to my eyes. I bought a book today about PTSD and he is willing to read it with me. I looked at the few links and it appears to be normal for people with PTSD to push away the ones they love. I also showed him the links and he was relieved to see his reactions and thoughts were normal and he wasn't crazy. He is trying EMDR therapy. Hopefully he will get some results soon. It is very hard but because of people and forums like you it makes me feel it is not hopeless. Thank you again so much Corinne

Linda

6/25/12 8:59pm

Hi Corrine,

I am sorry you are in the position you are in,, but you are very special to to want to stand by your boyfriend, and want to help him..

First of all,, he needs to WANT to help himself, I suggest therapy. If he does not want to go, ask him,,,, Are you happy where you are with your life right now? chances are he will say no. Ask him if he would like to feel better about himself? chances are he will say yes. Tell him you want that too. Start with that,,,

There is a book called "The body remembers" I am not sure who wrote it,, take a look thru it at a local library, if that doesnt fit what you think will help your boyfriend, there are SOOOOO many books available........

good luck.. Linda

Q: How can I help my boyfriend who is suffering from PTSD? Suggested book or website?

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