Hi Nik,   Yes, it's anxiety, but then you know this already. The real issue seems to be what to do about it. You should know that any medication will simply aim to dampen down the worst of the uncomfortable sensations you are experiencing but they can never actually resolve the problem(s) that got you to the position you are now in.   I think your confusion suggests the need for some therapy. Your thoughts sound clustered and intrusive and you are not able to think clearly. The focus on your boyfriend may or may not be the real issue - merely the focus. Therefore I would strongly suggest getting in contact with a well qualified therapist (counselor or licenced psychologist). Meanwhile, anything that 'freaks you out' is clearly to be avoided.   Best Wishes