Santa's Elves Working on New Asthma Medicines

John Bottrell Health Pro
  • Last year we wrote santa a letter which included A pragmatic Asthmatics Christmas List.  Over the past year Santa and his little elves have been working hard, mixing molecules and liquids in search of the ideal asthma medicines.

     

    "Experimenting with Albuterol and Levalbuterol molecules in this was was fun for my elves," said Santa in a recent email to me.  "And knowing we might provide humor for asthmatics is very rewarding for us all."

     

    The following are some of the fake medicines he's presently working on:

    1. All-Bettero-ol:  Makes lungs "all better."  Oh, what the heck, no matter what is ailing you these days, this medicine makes it "all better."
    2. Preventolin: One puff and it miraculously prevents asthma from happening.
    3. Soapenex: This inhaler suds up in your lungs in cures all ailments in there.
    4. Openex: It opens the airways and keeps them open for 365 days. Take one puff on January 1 and you're good for the year.
    5. Bronchodilitator: Just by spelling bronchodilator wrong means it must work better than what's currently on the market. Oh, and it must have fewer side effects too.
    6. Scrubbing Bubbles: Works similar to Scrubbing Bubbles bathroom cleaner in that it suds up in the lungs and gives them a good scrubbing, and therefore cleans out any ailments that might be in there. It cures asthma, but is also cures pneumonia, pulmonary edema, lung cancer, COPD, cystic fibrosis, and a whole lot more.
    7. No-side-effex-onex: It has all the powers of Albuterol and Levalbuterol with no side effects at all (no risk of increased heart rate and no increased shakiness).
    8. Happinessolin: Has magic ability to cross the blood brain barrier so not only does it make breathing better it eases stress and anxiety
    9. Faitholin: It seems to enhance the effect of prayers, meditation and faith. Exact methodology is mystical. It seems to have greatest effect on happy, religious people. Squirting an amp on nurses may cause laughter.
    10. Do-all-olin: It has omnicient powers like Faitholin, yet cures anything from COPD, asthma, heartfailure and even hangnails. And yes, it has been proven that if you sprinkle a little of this on your nose it will remove unwanted nose hairs.

    Feel free to add any of the above to your Christmas Wish List. Also, if you can think of any other fake (or real) medicines you'd like to receive for Christmas, let us know in the comments below and we'll be sure to tell Santa.

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Published On: December 20, 2010