My older daughter is displaying signs of jealousy and low self-esteem.Her brother is asthmatic.Help
My husband and I are often up with my 4 year old asthmatic son all hours of the night giving breathing treatments and medication. During the day he also requires more meds. and more breathing treatments. He is taking allergy shots and has tonsil/adnoid removal surgery scheduled in a few days. My seven year old daughter seems to think that we care about her brother more than her dispite conversations to the contrary. We have date nights with her, playdates with friends, and she is on the swimming team. What am I doing wrong? She is very private about her emotions and does not want others to see her cry. I talk with her often but I feel she is just telling me what I want to hear. However at night when she and I are alone together she will ask me why I'm not with her brother and say it's O.K. to go to him. She just seems sad.
Mindy,
I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but it definely sounds as though your daughter is having troubles coping with the family dynamics. It's common when a child is sick, either with a chronic illness such as allergic asthma, or a terminal one, such as cancer, that the whole family is affected by the changes. And it's common for the healthy child(ren) to feel left out or neglected, even when parents try to do everything right, as you have.
I think the important thing is not to get defensive or insecure about what you're doing with your daughter. It certainly sounds as though you've been proactive in your dealings with her. But you and she may need some professional help.
So, I would suggest that you seek out family counseling, to begin with, and perhaps then a determination can be made as to whether your child needs more personalized counseling. Getting outside help doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your parenting skills or with your daughter.
Sometimes we all need an outside perspective and professionals can also offer coping tools and advice that can be extremely helpful in moving to a better way of living. This is something really positive you can do for your daughter and yourself.
You've done the right thing by asking this question here; now, move on to the next step by getting help, OK? It would be awful if your daughter's sadness escalated into something more serious.
My best to you and your family,
Kathi
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