Since being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder in 1994, I have had to suffer secretly, not allowing my diagnosis to become public. Those days are gone, and now I don't have to hide any more. It's not quite what I thought it would be.
Since I don't have to work any more at not appearing bipolar, my illness seems more profound. It's like the walls have come down, and I am fully exposed. I never realized how much I depended on that wall. At the time I hated it, but it's what kept me sane. I realize it now and, though surprised, I'm not discouraged. In the words of that great statesman, Pink Floyd, it's "just another brick in the wall".
I've learned a valuable lesson as I move through the MI mine field. I started out watching it happen from a distance (if you can imagine). Over time, the distance between MI and myself became shorter and shorter until, an this happened only 8 weeks ago, I now look out from inside the MI. It's scarier than I thought it would be, but I get used to it over time.
So, I've decided to:
NAME IT: It's a mental illness. It's not the plague. It's not illegal, immoral or
catching. You have a sickness that is, for the most part, controllable
and easily regulated. Sure it will impact you life, but what doesn't?
Face it, you're mentally ill; get over yourself and live your life.
CLAIM IT: Stop running. Ignoring it won't make it go away. Trying to be
someone you're not won't change it. Pretending it's not a big deal
doesn't make it so. It's a big deal to you. Don't hide it; hiding it only
makes you feel like it's bad. It's not; it's you. The more of us that
stand up and say, at the top of our lungs, 'I'M MENTALLY
ILL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO HIDE IT ANYMORE!' (with apologies to
"Network"'s Howard Beale.
TAME IT: It's a part of you, or maybe it is you. Regardless, it's here to stay. As much as you're able, put it to use. You have already defined
what it is and decided to accept it as your own. Now you have to take
control of it. Don't let it control you.
I am a Christian. I have schiozphrenia (or possibly bp) and depression and have for most of my life. How do you just "get on with your life?" It's not like I can switch gears while careening down the side of The Pit, or even slow down. Life and all it holds starts seeming distant while Mental Illness is very up-close and personal. I know we are to have the mind of Christ and become a new being in Him. But how? I understand that you are not saying everyone should sing Zip-a-dee-doo-dah when they get up in the morning. The Bible says each day has enough troubles of its own and we should not compound that by worrying. But how? I can't seem to calm down inside.
Thanks for commenting. As you know, each person's situation is unique, and needs to be handledin a way that is appropriate to the situation. By writing "get on with your life", I'm talking about the life God gave you. Instead I should have written, "Move foward within your parameters". And our parameters are floating, flexible depending in what stage our illness
Often it is difficult to remember that God is with us during the good times AND the bad; during the bad is when we need Him most. That is pretty easy to understand. Since He created us, and He is infallible, then we are as He wants us to be. He sets the parameters of our lives, and we simply have to find a way to serve Him within our limits. The fact that you want more information, and care about your relationship with Christ will make your journey much simpler.
May God bless you as you continue your search for understanding.
Mike
I only have BP to deal with; looks like your plate is full.
Thank you, Pastor. Operating and moving forward within my parameters makes a lot more sense. I am always measuring myself against others. I thought I would outgrow that at some point, but...not so far. But I can see that where I am is a lot better than where I was. And God is a big part of that.