What Would You Do?

Tabby,

Thanks for the comments. The church (as a group of people) is a complicated entity. It functions under an entirely different set of rules, which are the same and, at the same time, different, than society as a whole. This is the scenario if a person in a leadership position were to "come out":

It would come out at a board meeting, and everyone would be sympathetic and understanding. But as the word spread, and more and more people became aware, the tides would turn. (The main problem in a church environment is that people want to live "secular-christian" lives. They want to have the world and God at the same time, and in the same way.) So once word got out, the people would respond in this manner:

"Oh, that is too bad, and we feel real sorry for him, but how can he be our pastor? What happens when he "goes off"(?) or has one of his "fits"(?) How can we continue to trust his decisions and leadership? When he makes a mistake, how will we know if it is an honest mistake or due to his "condition"?

This is a "lose,l lose, lose" situation: I lose a job, they lose a pastor, and they succomb to the MI stigma. Nothing positive comes of "coming out" and nobody learns a lesson. (Except for the pastor, who has learned his/her lesson a little too late)

Tabby, trust me when I say that I have NO desire to be a martyr or hero. I simply want to do what is for the better good. That's all.

Thanks again,

WCS

Rosebud,

Thanks for the comments. This is me after 12 years of med manipulation. I am controlled for the most part, but as you are well aware you never really control it. It keeps raising its ugly head, and you have to keep pushing it back down. (Reminds me of "Whack-a-Mole".)

Writing in the 3rd person was my lame attempt at being cute. I think I'll shy away from that approach in the future. Thanks for the heads up.

If people who suffer from a mental illness continue to hide away at their place of employment, instead of actually showing what they can accomplish and be MI, the stigma will never change. I am simply wanting to know what others think. So far about 90% of the responses have been not to "come out". But I ask myself "What are afraid of?". We are afraid of the same thing that will continue to happen if we sit idly by and do nothing; diseases of the brain will never be accepted as an actual illness. Thak God we have gone away from the time where they thought we were demon possessed.

(Although I would gladly take a good old exorcism over my meds any day of the week.

Again, thanks for commenting. I look forward to folowing your writings.

Blessings,

WC

I just don't think the subject needs to be brought up.  You should be judge on your values, your morales and your comittment to work and not on any disorder.  If people think you're different right away they form the opinion that they don't want to interact with you.  It's a phobia.  They can't accept what they can't understand. That's just human nature.  If you think that you can get out there and change the world one person at a time then I say go for it  For me, standing up and saying "I have bipolar" is not a badge of courage but rather a little like putting a scarlet letter on my chest.  Once I say it, I'm labeled and I've yet to find anyone who responded with, "Hey, that's cool!  Tell me all about it" so I pick and choose carefully the people I tell.  Is the effort exerted in telling and educating those that really don't care, worth it in the end?  I don't think so. 

uh, hate to tell you my friend but there are a lot of Christians and others who still, to this very day, firmly and unashamedly believe that mental illness of the degree in which Bipolar and Schizophrenia are - are demon possessed and should be driven out.

there are others who do believe that for one who is afflicted that one does not have enough faith or that one wouldn't be afflicted

If only we lived in a perfect world. 

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven ~ Luke 6:37

First of all, I think you handled that rather rude comment calling your writing the article in the third person "cheesy" in a very classy way.  I don't think anyone expressing his sincere thoughts & emotions should be reprimanded for his writing style.  The content is the important thing, not the method of delivery.  Some writing styles many not appeal to an individual.  I don't think that justifies being rude to the author.  I just wanted to express my high regard for your response--your Christian values were certainly being employed.

I am not a Christian anymore due to the fact that I attended a church that taught mental illness could be "cured" by faith, that if you were suffering from such symptoms you must have hidden sin in your life.  I was not brought up in a church & had no religious training so I ended up in this church in my early 20's when I was manic & it was a good fit at that time!! I was on fire for the Lord & quickly rose in the ranks as I didn't sleep much & studied the Bible constantly.

But when the inevitable depression hit my fire was extinguished & my church advised me to go against my doctor's advice to take psych meds (I have a dx of bipolar I as did my mother who ended up committing suicide).  Well, after much anguish & searching for my hidden "sin" & fruitless prayer I, too, saw suicide as the only answer.  After the hospital stay, I was no longer feeling very Christian.

It sounds like your church is nothing like that (of course it wouldn't be with you as the pastor), but it still has the remnants of stigma.

You mentioned that your symptoms are increasing so that you can no longer pass them off as being "eccentric." What are the symptoms, if you don't mind my asking? If they are not something you want to share, I would certainly understand that.  I was just thinking if they are interferring with your job, you certainly need to get them addressed.  With the ADA you are allowed "reasonable" accomodations, I believe.  I'm not sure if your church (company) has to have a certain # of employees to fall under the laws of ADA.

But I'd see my meds provider & talk about getting some adjustments (2 years ago after 5 years of stability I had a major episode out of the blue & had been faithfully taking the combo of meds that had been working so well so I'm still being adjusted).  Plus getting back into (if you are not already doiing so) individual therapy & CBT or DBT (just started that myself--looks like it will be very helpful).

Are you married? Is your wife educated & supportive? I think it would be very difficult to have to keep it so hidden.  I imagine you can't attend support groups as even though they are confidential someone from your church is bound to see you going in or let it slip...

So I'm afraid I have to agree with all the rest that this disorder is something that should not be revealed to your church members or elders.  I think it would be detrimental to your relationships with them & to your career & the way they receive your competency.  But, definitely address the troublesome symptoms asap.  You are lucky you have insight into your disorder so much that you can identify the negative symptoms when they crop up.  Take care.  Keep us updated on your progress.

You are completely right - it was rude of me to make that comment about his writing being cheesey.  He was looking for sincere advise and the last thing I should do is stand in judgement.  I am very sorry and I appologize. 

Rosebud,

I appreciate the apology, but it was unnecessary. Your comments weren't the ones I was referring to. And, please keep an eye on me, because I do tend to be a bit "Swiss" from time to time.

Keep your advice coming ... you do alot of people alot of good!

blessings, and salutations,

WC

I'm sorry if I was out of line to express my opinion that I thought that was a rude comment.  Maybe I then became rude so sorry about that.

What does tend to be a bit "Swiss" mean?

You are funny! I love it! "Swiss" is my version of "cheesy".

Keep it up. You are great!

WCS

Oh, I'm really showing my medication induced "foggy thinking" now--Swiss, as in cheese--oops, I get it now!!

citygirl,

Your opinions are great, and spot on as usual. I have a very difficult time expressing myself concisely, so I would like to attempt to do that now.

1. Accepting our disability - bipolar is for life, so while we have it, we might as well    

    make the most of it - somehow some think that I am happy to be bipolar - not the

    case; I'm just making the most of what I have

2.  I don't have a burning desire to "come out" so people know that I am bipo. There

    is no purpose in that, and would be selfserving. I feel driven to come out because

    hiding or disguising our illness serves to:

       a. perpetuate the associated stigma. Our illness will never be accepted until

           some people come out and show that it should be; we need to say, "I am a

           productive employee, I am mentally ill, and it is managed through medication."

           Otherwise the employer simply sees a productive employee.

       b. if you come to the point where you need to be on disability, you'll have to quit

           your job, wait until you get approved, and then wait on the check. But if

           you can hold the job, but it is becoming extremely difficult, and you announce

           your illness to HR and apply, more than likely you will still be unemployed until

           the first check arrives. This is due to the stigma, which will always be there

           until we can prove that we can do the job. If they don't know, they can't

           learn, right?

3.  You're right; I don't know the ailments of all of the people. However, it's not due

     to the fact they fear that I might think differently about them, or shun them. If

     they have high blood pressure, or Shingles, or kidney problems, they probably

     aren't sharing it due to the fact that it is so commonplace, or they are private.

     It is not because knowledge of their ailment will be used againt them.

Come on, wouldn't all of you like to be open about your illness, without the fear of

being judged or discriminated against? This won't happen until we show by example

that our illness is just that, an illness; able to be controlled by medication and supported by therapy.

Quite frankly I'm real tired of people within our own community (not you by any means) chastising others when they express an opinion, or think outside the box, in an

attempt to make life easier for themselves and others.

ciao,

wc

they use the forum to

Hello again,

Oh no i don't think you are HAPPY being bp i see that you have just accepted it and it would do us all good to accept it for it is for LIFE you're right, but i do have a disagreement with a couple of your statements,

For one, you are proving you are able to be a good employee WITHOUT them knowing the illnesses that you have....and bp is very very common, more commmon than you seem to recognize, there are so many with it that don't tell others, that don't even seek help (a mistake) and that feel they can't let anyone know due to the stigmas and yes they are there but honey you can't thwart it alone.....the reason the rest of us don't come out if we decide not to is based not just on FEAR but also on the fact that we know the reprecussions and have seen it or experienced it....

just because the congregation doesn't share minor illnesses or major illnesses with you doesn't mean that YOU have to share yours....

Trust me on this one....I was a teacher for 11 years, won numerous awards and was even elected teacher of the month, and nominated for disney's teacher of the year award and to be honest was  very good teacher but was suffering daily and never sought the help of pdoc for i feared them therefor it got worse!! (my own issues from watching movie one flew over the cuckoos nest years earlier...i was simply afraid and i even have hallucinations and delusions DAILY , i hear voices DAILY and see things DAILY that others do not...it is waning a little now that on new meds but it was quite a challenge and still is...there is no way i could work, NONE no matter howmuch i loved my kids that i taught the pressures nd the attendance suffered greatly)

....but the bp over took me for i waited so long to seek help.....

I certainly WAS treated differently once that the word got out and i still do not know how that happened...but that is irrelevant...

point being i noticed some withdrawing from me, others ostercizing me, others feeling all of a sudden that i wasn't qualified to teach

and to be honest i can not for rapid cycling mixed moods made me start to miss more than i attended and i literally broke in the teachers bathroom and was found by ONE of those and i stress ONE that was still as good a friend as before

......my point on this is this; no matter how much you want to help the community with the stigmas and the false ideas that they have about bp....you can't do it alone...it will come back to you being treated differnetly i kid you not...that is MY personal opinion anyway

.....people just don't understand the illness enough to be impartial.....it would literally take you explaining to them ALL what bp is how it affects one and all the details of the illness before they would ever begin understand it...and then who knows if they would or not, heck i hardly understand it myself and i HAVE IT!!

personally i think it is a mistake to "come out" as you call it.....i just deal with the feeling that it really is no one's business what issues i have and keep it to myself unless it is family and one close friend....otherwise i have seen so much discrimination that i know how people in this little town in which i live react to the fact i have bp...and i've told no one

...trust me the rumors will run rampant....I know you so want to help all of us by letting others see how successful you can be and still be ill...but your success as a pastor is NOT dependent on you telling all your private medical history....period....it is based on your abilities to teach the WORD.....

I do not fear coming out per say, but i don't want to create any more issues that i will have to deal with to be honest..and i do not feel it is anyone's business but my own to deal with

... .it is challenge enough for me to keep my family up to date and not judging my behavior or my mood or whatever area of bp they decide my decisions and life choices are being affected by

.....i do have a wonderful support system in my husband and he sees the brunt of it all and yet loves me anyway....i know you are thinking that the congregationwill love you anyway and be a support system for you...but as you already know you are dealing with MANY opinions of MANY people....it isn't the same for there will inevitably be that someone there that will not accept or think that you should still be preaching, and the worst is when they feel it is for YOUR best interest (or so they claim at times) to not have all that pressure on you that the "paycheck" entails you do

......sorry but i so disagree with you, i see your thoughts as being very very honest, very open and kind and trying to help others but i fear you will in the process be hurting yourself and your status per say

....it is a constant controversy as to whether to come out and tell others or not....but let me warn you...the insurance company that you have will have its OWN opinion and there is a big possibility that they could drop you/period......i know quite a few that this has happened to...so it goes deeper than being honest and open and helping those with bp...it really does, it can come back and bite you per say...

so please think once, think twice and think one more time onthis and if you still feel compelled to tell others as in the whole congregation then it is your perogative, but i simply would hate to see someone who is trying to lead so many to those great mansions in the sky awaiting us suffer from things that are simply based on your mental health

.....you seem like someone who would be nice to know and a very good person....so i just wanted to give you forewarning on the insurance, the nature of the human masses to "talk" and share stories with one another and never think that you can't be the brunt of that, even if they sit in a pew in your church and care very much about you

.....YOU of all people know the nature of man and their hearts according to the bible.....so it will be your sole decision and your feelings that will help you decide...i just wanted to give you another area to consider before you go forth with exiting the "closet" and no i don't FEAR that i just don't see a need, for i don't ask others what all their medical issues are that is one of the most personal things we have besides the relationship we have with the Lord, that too is individualized i believe ...just be cautious and if your set on it, test it out first on someone you can trust only and see how that goes before to the masses....just a suggestion and i hope that it helps in some way

I hope you do what your HEART and MIND tell you to do.

just let us know how it goes please, I only wish you the best and know you'll find comfort laying it at the Lord's feet.....goodluck in any direction you choose,

a friend to vent to,

ctrygirl