Information and opinions on Bipolar from Winston Smith at BipolarConnect.com. The HealthCentral Network, Inc. (www.HealthCentral.com) is one of the top health destinations on the Web, with more than 35 condition-specific, wellness and general health Web properties. http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023 http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/rss self application/xml en-us 15 120 19 http://www.healthcentral.com/images/hc_logo_sm.gif http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023 http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/38038/inside Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:23:20 -0400 Winston Smith So there I was today, talking with my therapist, when she stops talking, looks me in the eye and says, "I think you need to be hospitalized". Where the hell did that come from? I felt the blood quickly flow out of my body (to where I don't have a clue) and, even though I was sitting down, I felt like I could fall over. It wasn't that I was scared; I was shocked.Sometimes when we go through life, we become so intimately acquainted... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/38038/inside http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/33145/what-would-you-do Mon, 07 Jul 2008 23:57:09 -0400 Winston Smith What would you do? A pastor enters into the ministry with a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, but doesn't reveal the diagnosis to the committee who hired him. (As a matter of fact, he actually disposed of the part of his medical review that covered his mental condition). He has been in the ministry nearly 12 years, after working in manufacturing management for nearly 25 years. In the past, when his illness would "act up", he would make... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/33145/what-would-you-do http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/32537/content-bipolar Tue, 01 Jul 2008 12:39:51 -0400 Winston Smith Being bipolar is hard; I think we can all agree. But I wouldn't want it to go away and, even if there was a cure, I wouldn't want it. For the first time in my life I know why I am the way I am. For years I went through life wondering why I did the things I did, all of the time just thinking that I was different. Well I was, and I am, and that thing I've been toting around for most of my life has a name; it's called Bipolar.   Eventhough I... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/32537/content-bipolar http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/27336/ol-sparky-rides Thu, 08 May 2008 10:28:02 -0400 Winston Smith Greetings!   My first ECT was a piece of cake. Recovery was quick, with very little memory loss. However, #2 was en entirely different story.   The second treatment hit me real hard. I spent 2-3 days in somewhat of a daze, and confused. I had to ask my wife for the simplest instructions; how to wash a dish, where certain things go, etc. It was very odd. After a few days, I felt 100% better, and probably the best I had felt in... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/27336/ol-sparky-rides http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/27334/ll-fine Thu, 08 May 2008 10:15:53 -0400 Winston Smith I’ll Be Fine     Don’t ask me to change; there is no dream, No future, no reality, except for the reality of finality.   Don’t ask me to change, because I can’t. It would be easier for you to grow a third leg, than for me to overcome my reality.   I know you don’t believe me, you can’t. You cannot put yourself in my place, Because my place is occupied.   Where... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/27334/ll-fine http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/22843/ol-sparky Tue, 25 Mar 2008 11:42:00 -0400 Winston Smith Last Wednesday they fired up 'ol Sparky for me again. Looks like this time I'm in for 5-9 treatments, or so. For some reason, I am remembering almost everything about the day. Weird, eh? Last time I lost entire segments of time.  This time, however, I feel "funny". I feel like a person with multiple personalities whohas just discovered another one. It seems like who I am now, after the first treatment, is someone... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/22843/ol-sparky http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/20264/manic-smith Mon, 11 Feb 2008 13:44:00 -0500 Winston Smith The Signature of Pain   When you cut your hand The blood oozes from the scar, That will heal over time.   When you lose a limb, The love of those around you, Their compassion, tries to fill the void. It can’t, for certain, but they try.   When you cause a death, The embrace you feel will squeeze Out some of the sorrow. Not all, but it helps.   A scar, a loss, a great sadness Seen, felt,... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/20264/manic-smith http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/15846/deeper-rabbit-hole Sat, 03 Nov 2007 20:40:00 -0400 Winston Smith A quick journal entry:  The main problem I am having recently is that I never know when I am thinking rationally. With a more typical illness, you at least have your mind you can use to know how to cope, and your conclusion is usually correct. When we lose our bearing, and lose track of what "normal" was, or is to us, we're lost.  For instance, say there is a person who instructs you to go from where you are toward... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/15846/deeper-rabbit-hole http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/15418/part-2-saga Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:47:00 -0400 Winston Smith I'm back for part #2 of my story. This is where you'll discover my dilemna. I now hold a job that requires complete confidentiality, a shoulder to cry on, the capability of motivating people while at the same time keep them grounded. I am called on to lift peoples spirits when they face a death, keep them focused when they are joining together in marriage and develop a new and unique program, to be presented each and every Sunday, that... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/15418/part-2-saga http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/15306/faceless-explain Mon, 22 Oct 2007 23:32:00 -0400 Winston Smith At the age of 34, I finally realized that life isn't fair. Sure, I had problems growing up. I had been faced with some very significant, life-changing situations, but I had been raised knowing that things ALWAYS work out. As you have probably always known, and I was just realizing, sometimes things don't work out.  In retrospect I have had signs of being bipolar most of my life. My secondary diagnosis of Borderline Personality... http://www.healthcentral.com/bipolar/c/1023/15306/faceless-explain