I was at the edge of relapse last week. I became a Master student three weeks ago after working for 18 months (change of environment is often regarded as a major stressor). I had trouble falling asleep and my mind kept switching back to two years ago when i had a relapse before I graduated from my 4th year. A brother in church encouraged me to "cut the root of my thorns in my soil" (with reference to Mark 4:18-20 in the bible).
I think my fear is that i will have a relapse by the end of my Master course in summer 2008. I was very devoted in my studies when i was in my 4th year, but because of the relapse (due to stress from my thesis) i couldnt graduate with my fellow classmates and everyone in the school of psychology knew my condition. I am eager to make it up this year, so a sense of perfectionism has caused me to make plans and got stressed...and a bit vulnerable to relapse.
I am glad I spotted my problem now and be able to ask God to help me let go, and convince myself that i dun need to make up anything because, despite the apparent damage caused by the relapse, I have been able to grow spiritually since my last relapse, and once again, have accepted Christ as my savior.
I believe that this time I will be able to finish my course successfully if i continue to take medication and rely on God's words for strength and comfort.
For those who are experiencing ups and downs, dun just blame the hormones or the chemical imbalance, try to work out what really bothers you (this may require a bit of psychoanalysis). God bless.
SJC
