Wow! Anger. is that a huge issue for anyone else? I have been diagnosed bp for about 5 years. I have come to recognize my cycles as they come and have been working towards wellness and taking better care of myself. When I get hypomaic it is like most people's I am sure. That happy, I can get so much done, giddy time frame before it gets worse. When my hypomania gets worse it goes to high irritabilty levels. Don't touch me (grrr), don't look at me and don't dare talk to me. Noise levels bother me and I want to withdraw into a warm soft cocoon.
HOWEVER, I have had some episodes of almost explosive out of proportion anger that is not mania fueled. It happened the first time when I was 'trying" to go without Lithium for a week. I almost came to blows with a lady in a parking lot because of her sloppy parking job. Unfurtunately my then 16 year old witnessed it and her telling me to take a "chill pill". I went back on my lithium, my p-doc nodded knowlingly when I said I tried to go off it because she knew I would try once. It (anger like that) crops up now and again but this last few weeks have been bad.
I see no signs of mania, I am not depressed-overall my mood is fine. I am just getting through the day fine and then someone says something to me and I really really want to just tell them off right then and there. It is a immediate reaction. I noticed the other day it was response to someone new to the volunteer board I am on. They came to me saying, "YOU need to do this if you want to get anywhere". This from a brand new board member. I was rude in my repsosnes because I have tried many ways to tackle this problem and have had success in the 5 years I have been on the board. However, even when I retorted back it sounded ...well, nasty. I got too angry. I had to walk out and then driving home I was speeding and ranting in the car. So, I see that when it can happen it is when someone tells me something that makes me on the immediate defense. I don't want someone to tell me , "you should do this". I can think of some natural thoughts like "you should shut up and mind your own business" but obviously cannot do that (darn).
I don't know why, what to do because I cannot predict when this will happen. I was fine before she opended her mouth. I read in Bp magazine (the new one) about this very thing, this anger response and it sounded like me so I know I am not alone.
I am under a lot of home stress now so don't know if it is cropping up due to that however that is not always the case when I get that angry. BTW, this happens occassionally, not a regular basis.
I just want to know do others share this volatility? Can you tell when you are heading for a time this response might come easier to you? How do you control that dang mouth? I feel like my anger is it's own entity at that time.
Any any advice?????? Pay
Hi
Yes, oh yes. I am the same way and it drives me nuts because I can not tell when it is going to come out. I do notice, like yourself, that it is fueled by my defense mechanism which kicks in after someone has criticized me, or hurt my feelings, etc. But sometimes, a simple trigger can just set it off....like my husband can wear a shirt that I all of a sudden hate and I will be so mean to him. Figure? You know what, I really think that when i stay on a regular sleep cycle, these "anger" moods do not affect me as frequently. So, maybe notice if you are not getting enough sleep. A regular schedule is so very important to us bipolar's. I think our brain has too much cortisol and we are in a constant state of DEFENSE...a lack of sleep aggravates this state. So....that is why i am going to sleep now. I hope I helped a little. (:
oh, and don't forget to forgive yourself.....and ask for it, too. Forgiveness always makes me feel better about myself....and I know those I hurt ,appreciate it, too.