Sue Bergeson
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
A friend of mine went to a training seminar and made some new friends while there. A recent e-mail from this friend got me thinking. It reads like this: I think another of my Vet friends from the training is coming to my Halloween party-Tony. I am so thrilled. I wish Dona could come from Se...
polarlight
Sunday, November 04, 2007 at 03:36 AM
Isolation and down time are totally seperate as far as I can see. My boyfriend has me doing things for him I think he should do but he gets tired and then I get tired of the ranting so I just go out and do small tasks cause I know once I am out there it is fine.Except I am Miss social and yak attacks happen and he ends up waiting for me in a bit of over time ...We are getting more trust issues resolved but what a lot of work to help him understand certain things that I think should be straight forward and resolvable.It is getting better though and I am seeing some past issues in him that I swear I have nothing to do with.Scarey though I am not sure what he is fighting about so it is shut up time .
I like the comment about the little girl just be able to move through her friends I call that smart!! kids are great that way. THANKS
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Reformed bipolar person
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 at 07:53 PM
See comment 5.
I have had to 'ditch' a partner ... engaged actually .. why, because she decided 'her role' was to 'control' me ... her idea of a relationship/partnership was that she knew what I was doing .. all the time. One day she came in (I work from home) ... and told me she was 'very concerned' because I HAD NOT DONE THE WASHING UP THAT DAY .. the writing was on the wall ... she was given her marching orders ... the day she moved out I met (on the web, of course) my new partner ... AND that was only TEN DAYS ago ... there ARE plenty of fish out there ... I have had to date about 40 women since I divorced my first wife ... to find one that enjoys me as I am and delights in someone full of ideas .. rather than constantly trying to compete.
I can now relax and enjoy life ... it IS a matter of finding your North Star .. sift through until you find the right people/person do not compromise .. otherwise YOU WILL SUFFER like I did for 33+ years married to the wrong sort of person.
Out to prove "Life Begins at 60" .. believe it or not YOU CAN function like a 20 year old .. it is all in the attitude .. you are only old if you want to be. I get concessionary bus fares .. and have to carry my driving licence to prove I AM old enough .. down to lithium .. it preserves all cells .. not just the brain .. however, I am now "lithium free".
See also:
http://bipolarperceptions.wordpress.com/
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Kate
Tuesday, November 06, 2007 at 12:00 PM
I survived some four years of frequently psychotic depression. I was in and out of hospital. Absolutely every one of my friends dropped me. No one visited me or kept up with an occasional call or email - except my husband's sisters. They were devoted and loving. My birth family ignored me completely. I know that I didn't look like myself during those years, as I had become obese. This might have had a negative impact on my friend-making abilities.
Now I am better and look like my old self.
I used to find it very easy to make new friends as I always was active in leadership positions, politics, work, church, Masters Degree courses, neighbourhood, my kids schools and programs and volunteer opportunities. I used to be very social.
"You are my only friend," I said to my therapist. And I pay her for that privilege (for my benefit). Twice recently, I encountered old friends who seemed to walk right through me, I was invisible. (A ghost of my former self?) This was puzzling; a small greeting would have sufficed. I think people are scared out of their wits when they are acquainted with someone with mental illness. I think we are more stigmatized than cancer patients. Are people afraid that we are contagious?
So despite my efforts to warm up old friendships, all I get is silence. No responses to my casual, friendly emails suggesting a coffee or lunch together.
I think it is them - not us!
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A reformed bipolar person
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 at 07:39 PM
See comment 5 and http://bipolarperceptions.wordpress.com/
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ctrygirl
Tuesday, November 06, 2007 at 06:17 PM
I sooo am with those posting about how we are seeming to be "contagious" or that others pull away from us a lot in more like a "fear" than a disinterest
for they SURE ARE interested in the drama, or the breakdowns, or the "appearance" of us.
...I so have such a small town i live in that it is hard to find myself able to trust anyone, I too was very very very social at one point
...and really get sick and tired of those that say to me "Oh you used to do this and that and go here and there what is wrong with you?" well perhaps it is not ME something is wrong with, perhaps i am just sick of the hoopla and it isn't healthy for me so i choose to not be a part of it...
I mean look at the way of the world today, it is scary for so called NORMAL people and it is just not conducive to those of us sensitive to noise/light/motion etc....
but you know what? I see what doing 20 million things at one time AND keep up my relationships with family and friends put me through...a BREAK BIG TIME for it was like Make everything better for everyone...uhm except myself...
But I got to thinking about friendship and we all know the little poem i began this post with...and it's true.
The ones who are really TRUE will be there, understand, and allow us time out...I just make it clear to those i love that sometimes i NEED and i mean NEED time alone...it is like i literally CRAVE it at times and boy does it rejuvenate me to have it...
BUT not all are conducive to that kind of friendship, therefore i realize that if they aren't able to handle THAT little aspect of my bp then they really won't be able to handle the mania, mixed moods, depression times either and really it is best for THEM and for ME if I just remain aquaintances..
I DO find that I DON"T WANT TO get out in the jungle of the world much.
I go to the library, a peaceful place, my apiary an even MORe peaceful place, and to visit my widowed mother, and my children and grandchildren but other than that...i guess you'd call me ISOLATED>
.but i don't I call it MY TIME...time away from the chaos, the noises, the motions, the looks, the judgemental feeling from others...it just isn't healthy to me to be "involved" too much anymore. So I guess i could say YES it has changed my socialization...
but for what i consider the better...the more i can concentrate on getting better, healing, coping skills, and the most important...MY FAMILY. I will say THIS SITE Is a BIG part of my socialization and everyone is so great here that it really helps, we aren't alone or without friends as long as this site is up and running!! Thank you for this topic...very interesting!
Sincerely,
ctrygirl
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A reformed bipolar person
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 at 07:36 PM
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gail52p
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 at 01:05 AM
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A reformed bipolar person
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 at 07:32 PM
See comment 5 .. and talk to your son .. he is undoubtedly being 'bullied' .. I certainly was .. because I was different .. as it turns out remarkably bright .. they do ot like kids who 'shine' .... ask him in more detail what goes on .. see if the school can do something ??
Feed him very well .. and plenty .. well-flavoured food he likes .. probably salty food .. but with plenty (of water, or dilute fruit juice) to drink. We ARE what we eat.
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A reformed bipolar person
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 at 07:26 PM
Friends are essential - but not just any friends ... we bipolar people need friends who are 'our' type of people .. there are so many people out there who JUST WANT TO PULL US DOWN .. we are very lucky .. as a friend of mine said once when we were at a gliding club .. I was sat in the glider .. she commented .. we don't need the glider to fly .. and guess what they all knew what we meant !!
Read:
1.
Finding Your Own North Star: How to Claim the Life You Were Meant to Live by Martha N. Beck (Paperback - 28 Aug 2003)
The very BEST book for us Bipolar people .. once you 'know' you have to avoid such people .. AND unfortunately this MAY well be YOUR OWN FAMILY that does it to you .. remember THEY prefer you DEPRESSED so that is what they TRY to do to you .. the answer is in YOUR hands !!reply
who am i 7
Wednesday, November 14, 2007 at 07:30 PM
The other had a brain aneurysm as a child. Both very christian women, warts and all. They got me. If we hadn't been in contact for months, the next time was like picking up where we left off. Time stood still. We loved each other more than my own blood family. They knew without a doubt that God loves them and forgave whatever sins they confessed. They depended on Him to meet their needs. Not man.
My problem. I look to "mankind", though I've been betrayed so many times. I've not been as close in a spiritual relationship with God and they were. The nearest I was carried me through my divorce and a few years beyond.
When I was first diagnosed with situational depression, it was like turning on a faucet and letting it run. Since 1989, events in my life have unfolded year after year. Some people asked me if I might be bipolar. This was the first I'd heard about it in reference to me. It scared me to death.
The hospital I was working at looked down on all mental patients. Whenever we saw, MHC, we knew they had a mental problem. What a stigma. I even stated to my psych doctor and counselor, "now I'm one of them". They had a stunned look on their face. Any mention of lithium made me believe I was out of my head crazy. I would be hospitalized next. My son would be taken away by his dad. He did make life difficult.
Fast forward: since the deaths in 2000, I've lost both parents. Mom was a unexpected. Dad was just a matter of time, alcoholic and heart problems.
I know we are at an age these things tend to happen, but it seems anyone I try to get close to or develop a friendship with - they go away in some form or another. The loss is too great for me to endure. This is when I withdraw and become isolated. This is part of why I resigned my job. Plus the pressure to do more with less resources.
My youngest brother lost part of his leg in a motorcycle accident (not his fault). He got married (not happily), and so did my son in 2006. My brother and I have reconnected on a new level.
He attends AA, self-diagnosed, but appropriate. A baby boy is due in Feb 2008. Plus he will retire from the military in March 2008.
Extremely little interfacing with son. I do call his phone, leaving a message, I love you and thinking of you and his wife. This is all I can do to comfort myself.
Some ladies I do interact with for haircuts, nails, what have you - I savor the moments and then go home. Once in a while I did a little something that put a smile on their face. Again, a comfort feeling for me.
Trying to find a job to pay bills has gotten more difficult. I just keep praying and believing God will open the right door. I just need to keep knocking on them.
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judi
Wednesday, November 28, 2007 at 04:45 PM
Hi,
Thanks for writing this!
It is something that I have been thinking about alot lately, because I have more free time on my hands.
I don't have alot of friends, but am friendly and like people in general.
As I work on getting healther (better self esteem, being more choosy about friends, on an internal spiritual journey) it seems hard to decide whether I would rather be alone, and content with myself, or make plans with people who are not as supportoive or uplifting as I would like. After several hours around people , I am saturated because so much talk seems to crowd my mind. I do think it gets in the way of friendship. Part of it I think is frustration with others and not wanting them to know it, and it takes energy or I shut down.
Now I usually plan things with people that has a set time, eg, a movie, or going to a museum, or going to lunch and then taking a walk. Hanging out is not really comfortable for me to do. I don't usually make plans at night because I am tired and less interested in people, I don't know if that is part of the bipolar illness or not. Do you find the same thing?
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i miss my friend
Tuesday, May 05, 2009 at 06:29 PM
I have a bi-polar friend who I was very close with for 10 years. She works with me and we talked alot. Over the years, we never did much together, mostly emails and phone conversations. Our outside interests were just so different. I like to go out and try new things, go to movies, etc., but everytime I would ask her she almost always declined. So I quit asking after awhile.
She has recently made a new friend in the office and now she won't even look at me, much less speak to me. I don't understand? I guess I neglected her, but I didn't mean to. When I did ask her to do stuff she never wanted to do it!
Because my bi-polar pal has a new firend, does that have to mean we can't be close anymore? We aren't in high school. We are all entitled to have more than one friend. Why must she be so rude to me now? She hardly speaks to me, looks away and will not meet my eyes. Even stares down at her shoes when I pass her in the hall. It is very hurful to me. I don't understand what's going on. I feel like she's angry at me but I asked her if I had done something and she said no and was quite pleasant. Then the next day... bam... back to the old cold shoulder.
I know that last year she had a bi-polar episode at work and was put on administrative leave. She quit talking to her old friends of 20 years. Sort of just dumped them and has remained distant from them ever since.
I feel like she's dumping ME now. I don't understand her at all these days.
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Anonymous
Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at 10:42 PM
What it use to be in my life, is opposite of what it is today. I don't go very many places. I have no friends. I'm the one that walks away. I had my break down at 53. I'm 63 now. Everyday is different. Parts of every day is different. Up and down. In and out. Angry and not. My memory is very bad. I have a difficult time with answering questions. I just don't care most of the time about how I look or my home or yard and so on. That's not me. Or it wasn't me. My balance...The way I walk now is step and stagger. Most things, and people irritate me.
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