separation with children-help

she is taking her meds, but drinks everynight. Kids are under 12.  I had thought that I would give her space, but then thought what if the children are not taken care off, what is my recourse?  She wants to split the children btw houses, however summer is here and I have to work. 

This is what I can tell you from my own experience and observation:

Separations rarely lead to reconciliation... much more often to divorce.  Especially if you're not actively attending counseling to fix your marriage.

If you, as the dad, give up primary custody, it's *extremely* unlikely you will get it back, due to bias of the courts in favor of the mother, and also bias towards their "stability".  Their definition of stability is maintaining the status quo.  If you let her take them, then that establishes being with her as being the status quo.  Examples:  My friend just had to go to court to get his kids into his care from foster care, because they had been removed from their mother's care. You would think that going to dad's would be automatic under the circumstances, but it wasn't.  My XH has a brain tumor that impairs his ability to care for our daughter, but it's next to impossible to change his parenting time.  I just have to have faith that at 13 my daughter is pretty much able to take care of herself.

Keep the kids in your home, and in your care.  Get a nanny or send them to daycare while you work.  Make your terms clear:  "I love you and I want our marriage and our family to work.  I do not believe that being separate will make us any better at being together.  If you want/need to leave, that is your choice.  We will be here waiting for you.  I think that we should go to counseling together."  Then let her do her thing, whatever that is.  But don't give up your kids.  :hug:  It's a difficult position, but remember that you have to do what's right for the kids, not what's "fair" to her.

Oh, and get an attorney.  I have no doubt you're going to need one.  It is inherently harder for a father to build a case for custody than it is for a mother.  Familiarize yourself with your state's custody guidelines and make sure that you're in compliance with every point.  Also, start keeping a calendar.  Note on it when she's drunk, absent, in a depression or otherwise unable to care for the kids.  This will help you later.  And don't stop... it's tempting when things perk up a little to stop journaling, but when they go back bad again you will have an inconsistent journal and that won't help at all.

Disclaimer:  I am not an attorney, and this advice may be worth exactly what you paid for it.

Well, let me update you on the situation.  At last minute after consulting an attorney, she decided not to move out.  After that point she started to dig into all my personal posessions, email, mail, car, room etc...  I had to hide everything, not because I had anything to hide, just because I was feeling violated.  She found my notes, where I describe living with her, pills and drinking, oversleeping, limited involvment with the kids etc...  After meeting with an attorney, she came alive, she locked up her pills, stopped her drinking, got involved with the kids, schedules, reconnected with friends and family and cleaned the house, bought new clothes and got a haircut.  I have never seen a transformation like this, coma to martha stewart.  I suppose I should feel happy, but this change is likely an act to get custody of the kids.  Help!