is my partner bipolar

By andrea spicer Thursday, November 22, 2007

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Where do i start, i have been with my partner for almost 6 years, and I love him dearly, he is funny, loving, kind, and there is just something about him that keeps me there. But ther is the other side. To start with his family background is not good, his mother has phycotic episodes, and he had 2 brothers with severe learning disabilities and major other problems, sadly 1 of the brothers passed away a couple of years ago. His father is an alcholic and he has had a very unstable up bringing. If anyone is to meet him for the first time you would never believe there was anything wrong he is softly spoken and always polite. But unfortunatley because of the closeness we have i see the other him which is not very pleasant, and I am convinced he has bipolar.

He can be fine for months although he is always restless, but when things are bad he goes off the rails, he will go out and not come home and doesn't even let me know so i am up all night worrying, he tell me he loves me constantly one minute and then the next that he doesn't because he has been unfaithfull,then we break up, next he comes back with regrets and says he doesn't know why he does it, the only way he can describe it is his thoughts get confused and he thinks he shouldn't be with me, it doesn't help because his family do not approve of me, that is because there is an age gap, but it never bothered us. I have to do everything for him, and get him out of bad situations, he nearly lost his job once, and other stupid things he has done a list has long as my arm. I have been to doctors with him and refered him to see a phycologist, he goes for a couple and then says they dont know what they are talking about, and he doesn't want to keep talking about the past because he just wants to forget it.

I am at my wits end, we were planning to marry but he's just gone off on one, hes back and sorry once more, and recognises he needs help and promises it wont happen again, but i know it will, i dont want to give up on him, any suggestions.

Comments (5) | Add comment

Eric

11/22/07 12:43pm

Wake up

A. Don’t plan any marriages or have any kids together anytime soon.

B. Wake up and smell the coco…he has cheated on you a number of times saying it will never happen again

C. Stop bailing him out…he needs to grow up sometime

D. How much of an age difference? Is he looking for a mother?

No one can tell you what to do. My best advice is to get out and stay out of this relationship and find Mr. right that can hold down a job, is true to you and would make a great husband and father.

Hopeful mom

11/22/07 6:55pm

Once a cheater always a cheater? I don't know if this is true but my brother in law cheated on my sister numerous times and I don't believe he's bipolar. He would pick fights with her when he was cheating. It was always her clue that he was doing it. I guess it made him feel not so bad for his behavior. I agree with Eric. No way would I marry this man with these issues going on.

Rusty

11/22/07 8:35pm

Hi Andrea,

You are describing my life in the above post. I have had a very similar thing for the last 3 years with my partner. Finally after 3 years I convinced him ,and went with him to the best Mood disorder psychiatrist we could find. Prior to that my partner would go to the doctor and pretend everything was fine....come back tell me there was nothing wrong with him and that it was all my fault. The reason you must go too is that you will be able to tell the doctor some of the behaviours you have described above and other things you have observed. You can do this either by sharing an appointment you have half and he has half or if he is okay go in together. It is really hard to get the point of getting him to a good doctor. This doctor diagnosed my partner first time and it was such a relief. He is now coming to terms with something he realises he has always had, which has helped him to understand some of the things he has done in his life. Some psychiatrists dwell enormously on the past of patients and while this can contribute, bipolar is a chemical imbalance and so it is not really helpful to keep unpacking the past if that's not where the main problem lies. Bipolar and other mood disorders also run in families. Your partner's mother obviously has a disorder and more than likely his father too. My partner can now identify other family members with mood disorders. It might be helpful to talk to your own GP about your relationship. He/she might be able to assist.My partner is now getting help. I also bought "the bipolar workbook" which is helping him to use cognitive therapy to catch and learn to control his thoughts and also a book called "Loving someone with Bipolar. I hope this helps. You are not alone. Good luck. R

andrea spicer

11/26/07 11:18am

Thankyou for your comments, i should have mentioned i have been to the doctors with him in the past, the problem is i dont think the doctors really believe there is much wrong with him except for depression, but knowbody knows anyone properly unless they live with them and get to know there moods ,ups and downs. Also the problem in the past he has been referred to a specialist but like you said they keep want to keep talking about the past, my partner finds this really hard to keep talking about he says he just wants to block it. He admits there is something wrong with the way he thinks sometimes and it all gets out of control, but i think he is worried people will think he is like is mother, she has voices, my partner doesn't experience these symptons its more the ups and downs and impulsive decisions that turn into disaster and he regrets afterwards, he is also worried that if he does not have bipolar then he is just not a very nice person, because why would he do those things to me when he knows he loves me !!

He has agreed to go back to the doctors and see through the appointments, and thankyou for recommending the books i think i will buy them maybe they will help both of us.

I really dont want to give up on him just yet because he really is a very kind loving generous person when he is being the normal side of his personality if that makes any sense. thankyou anyone i will keep you informed.

Anonymous

12/30/07 10:32am

your post was so familiar-I could have written it, only I have only dated my current fiance for 6 months, yeah he wants to get married!Only he is diagnosed and taking meds for bipolar. The symtoms and cycles still occur, and lying is a big one! He breaks up with me every Sunday, this has become a joke, but on Monday acts as if nothing happened. He makes sure my focus is on him and him only. I have discovered that some of the lies are to conceal his drinking problem, I assumed another woman too, but that was not the case. When I object to his behaviors, he will purposely do something that requires him to check into a hospital and we are once again at square one. How do you break up with a guy in the hospital? He seems to want to be a bad guy and brags of having ties to drug dealers and hit men, he also takes credit for very bad criminal acts. I know none of these are true but even if I laugh it off , he continues with these bizzare fantasies.I know not all of his behaviors are bipolar symtoms, but he uses bipolar as a crutch to continue these behaviors. I am at my wits end, he is pushing me hard about marriage, and I have some very strong reservations,but each time I voice my concerns, he ends up in the hospital. I never know what he has told the Dr, the lies keep piling up and are so ridiculous that I would think health care workers would see a pattern,we live in a very small area, but they continue to believe his stories and are sympathetic. One time he went on a 3-day drunk and was walking in the middle of winter in below 0 weather, he passed out and about froze to death. He told the Dr that it was related to his diabetes, and the Dr believed this, since the alcohol threw his blood sugar levels out of control, he then told everyone else that he was the lost snowmobiler in the mountains. The Dr was racking his brain trying to figure out what was wrong with him and performing tests like crazy, but could find no explanation, this was a 5 day hospital stay just to run tests, and of course nothing was found to explain what happened, other than he just needed to take care of himself better. Everyone on these sites seem to think meds are the answer, I know that meds do not neccessarily relieve all symtoms, my guy is on a med for every symtom including bipolar, he's a walking pharmacy!, and it is still very trying to deal with his extreme behaviors. I honestly don't think there is a cure-all or a quick fix.What you need is patience, support and love, and lots of it!,as in any relationship. Good luck to you! It's definitely not an easy road, to say the least.

is my partner bipolar

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