Strength Through Self Discipline

By dodgyomni Monday, May 25, 2009

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I used that fight to illustrate, one, it is a fight your in, and one you can win. Two, you have to exercise choice, that is, choose to be happy, to be alive. Depression so often wins with the suicide of those who suffer needlessly and often in silence, that I want you to take away that this can very well be a fight for your life, if you don't want your life, then depression wins. Once you have won a battle you have the strength and the experience to win again, and again. You have gained strength, and strength must be kept up with discipline. Monitor your thoughts, don't just get lost in them. When I'm feeling down, which of course I still do, (but hey we wouldn't have the capacity for depression/sadness if we weren't supposed to feel it) I remember to love myself, and I mean literally saying I love you, ALOUD, to yourself. It sounds so stupid I know, but man say that to yourself and give yourself a hug, and you have to laugh. And laughter is good medicine.

Now, I believe that depression has underlying emotional/psychological causes, for me it was not meeting standards/ideals/morals I had for myself, or not having defined ones by which to guide myself. I was awash with wishes but no goals. I chronically failed my expectations, either through volitional intent, or negligence. And allowed moral relativism to blur the lines of right and wrong in my actions so as to blind my self from cause of feelings of failure, so as to sink farther into the hole. I came to realize that because I had lost or never looked for the right guiding ideas/principles in my life, I had traded the love of self for the love of depression, the love of self degradation, of self depreciation. With this 20/20 hindsight I have been able to set measurable goals, and achieve them. I have formed a moral premise on which to build my life, and standards by which to respect my self, and new methods to deal with my personal shortcomings. Mistakes aren't pyres on which to burn myself, by signs posts by which to guide myself back to my goals. Mistakes are now reasonable admonishments to check myself, not excuses to hate myself.

I hope my thoughts have been helpful, I hope you all find your love of self, and remember to fight the depression, not the symptom but the cause. Remember to take walks outside when you want to hole yourself up alone. Watch beloved movies, and read beloved books. Champion yourself in what you do. You are the way, and the one who has to walk it. And remember you always have a choice. My love goes out to you all. And I wish you luck, and success however you find it. Be it through just yourself, or a multi-tiered approach of self-help, therapy, and medication. Most Sincerely Yours, 22 in California.

P.S. if you would like to email me dodgyomni@yahoo.com

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Anonymous

5/26/09 8:58pm

Actually i'm bipolar nos (I don't get depressed, only hypomanic, manic or mixed. But I have a son and a male friend who can benefit from your insite. I'm going to print this out for them and hand them a copy when appropriate. You have more insight and self discipline than some 50 year olds.

tabby

5/27/09 11:54am

You focus on your depression and glad that you can manage your depression symptoms as well as you claim you do, which by the way you still admit to having so... you haven't fully recovered from. Yet, what you practice is what is commonly taught in many therapeutic modules ie., CBT, DBT, etc.. - mindfulness, offsetting negative with positive, not judging the emotion just allowing it to be an emotion, etc..

In that Bipolar has 2 poles, otherwise it would all be Unipolar and thereby, no Bipolar - how do you manage your manic phases of your Bipolar illness?

In that you are not a doctor, psychiatrist, or a professional of any sort and can only share how you yourself deal with your individual Bipolar illness... would you share how you manage your manic/mania/hypomanic symptoms especially without medications?

See there are a lot of folks who claim to be "recovered from" Bipolar who share their coping strategies here. Most come to sell a program they developed, program they bought themselves, supplements they just insist are the answer, or try to convert everyone to their religious beliefs.

ALL tout their recovery from depression and recovery from depression is a feat for which needs to be said and being that I am one who struggles primarily with suicidal depressions, it is something I find most interesting. However, in that I have Bipolar - I also have another side, another pole as it were - I have mania or Mixed Mania, that is high mania with low depression at the exact same time most of the time when my Bipolar is most debilitating.

So, in that you label yourself here as "recovered from" which means you have returned to a normal healthy state of being, cured, healed from - it would be nice if you could share your strategies for dealing with the mania/manic side of the illness. How do you deal with your "soaring" side or hypomanic side if you have lessor forms of the illness? Because my life can be altered by either side at anytime.

dodgyomni

5/30/09 2:55pm

Tabby,

I thank you for your response, and do agree that "recovered from" could be a misleading statement, but by that I mean that depression is no longer the dominiant emotion in my life. I further don't believe that having a life without depressed/sad feeling would be idealic or realisitic, and I do believe there is legitimate reasons for having a spectrum of emotions.

In regards to manic periods. Well, honesty I have always been a bit of an energizer bunny, and I am primarily manic with sometimes prolonged and deep depressive phases. (Though through the methods I explained previous these phases of depression have become fewer and further in between, and more situationally motivated, that is more "reasonable" emotional responses to external stimuli) I, personally enjoy my manic moods, I just channel them into actions that benefit myself, trying to keep them constructive. For example, my job is dispatching vehicles for Paratransit, so I use my vast energy reserves to keep track of vehicular resources, answer phones, communicate with our drivers via radio. I'm lucky that I have a fast paced job that allows me to keep both a big picture in my head while using my energy in being scatter-brained keeping track of individual variables. And when not at work, I try to do things at home that keep me happy/content, like cleaning my living space, gardening, and hanging out with my cat.(whom I probably talk to more than is healthy, haha)

I was always told by my parents growing up to set goals and work toward them. I unfortunately never did and was often crushed with feelings of purposelessness, and a sense of not having direction. As I got older these feelings lent themselves to severe depression, especially when alone. But I have made the effort to actively work toward having goals and meeting them. I've have found that goals help me dispel depression by being able to affirm to myself that I am "doing things" and gives me a place to channel my manic energy into.

Now to risk myself becoming one of those "preachy" people you spoke of, I have also found philosophy to be a deeply satisfying persuit, especially when I'm feeling less than with it. A lot of people debunk it, but I have found objectivist philosophy to be the most congruent with my beliefs and lends personal responsibililty to my emotional state, which lets me keep perspective that it's not hopeless if I don't let it be.

I hope you were able to get something out of that!

Most Sincerely, 22 male in California

tabby

5/30/09 10:38pm

I wasn't necessarily infering that you were being "preachy" but quite a few folks do come here with cures, conversions, alternate therapy sales, etc... and all focus solely on the depressive side. They all label themselves as "recovered from" and well... in that the illness has 2 sides, no one really focuses on how they manage their "upper" side of the illness.

From your description of your illness, because Bipolar is different to each individual, it seems yours is more depressive than manic whereas others are more manic than depressive.

My take on all this is and I'm 42.5 years:

Bipolar is not something you truly "recover from". You can have long periods of stability depending on several factors, one being the type of Bipolar you struggle with and another is how you look at the disorder.

If you see it as disabling, then likely you will be disabled by it. If you look at it as a part of life that is included but not have your life consumed by it, then you will more likely develop positive means to manage your respective symptoms and episodic flares.

In either regard, you must accept it as being truth - seek help when need arises - accept help that is offered - and learn learn learn while practicing practicing practicing what you've learned.

axis74

11/19/09 12:29pm

Thanks dodgyomni, that was probably some of the best bipolar depression info I've heard since I was diagnosed 3 months ago. It hard for me to believe I will have to stay on medications my entire life. Even with medication i still dont feel good. Anyway, I have 3 friends that were once diagnosed bipolar and on meds get off meds and say they're living a completely normal life. If biplar is a life long illness, then how could these people possibly be without their medications and still be functional members of society. At this point I dont know who to believe, doctors that say its life long, or my friends who are living proof one can overcome bipolar.

dodgyomni

12/ 2/09 8:26pm

dear fellow,

What I've found to be true for myself, is that if I'm not on a medication than I need to be monitoring my inner monologue for depression thought patterns and cycles, and eating balanced and protein rich meals fequently, that helps maintain my blood sugar, lessening the effect and duration of moodswings. And I cannot advocate more for exercise, bike ride, walk, hike, swim. anything active and outdoors away from the home, which can be my depression cave. I have also found structure to daily/weekly activities gives you a sense of place and movement with yourself and reduces situational anxiety that can creep up on you when a sedentary lifestyle rules. get to know yourself, work pleasurable activities into your day, things that arouse your passions should be the centerpiece of your monthly plans. set and acheive goals! basicly get your sh*t together and get organized and you feel soooooo goood! think of the solution, not the problem!

Strength Through Self Discipline

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