just talking ...

I feel where you are at right now in not knowing from one moment to the next whether you will have a hug, a smile, a laugh - or, you'll have shouts, swings, screams.  You are so "mature" already for being such a young age and that is sad because you are still a little one.

I know, I know - you would say you aren't little - but, truthfully, you are.  My daughter is your age.  She wants to be a teenager so bad and yet at times she is still a little one.  It is a hard age that you are right now.

You seek love from this person because most times she gives love.  It is just those times when things are so stressed that her moods shift and change so quickly.

With my mom (when I was a little one), I never ever knew from one minute to the next whether she'd be hugs and pats and smiles or screaming, swinging at me, or coming at me.  The morning might start good but by lunch she'd be swinging and then by bedtime she'd be hugging and telling me she loved me.

I was an absolute nervous shaking wreck growing up.  I was so afraid to say anything or do anything cause I didn't want her to be mad or angry.  I hid behind furniture a lot - to disappear.

I'm very sorry that your friend's moods are changing so quickly and so often.  Yet, you know - my mom died 7 years ago, I'm not well mental wise due to the nervous shaking wreck I still am, and still - I love her immensly and wish she were here to hug me and pat me.

This may or may not help you.  I just wanted you to know that although I'm an old 41 year old - I do know where you are at and what you basically are going through.  Sometimes it helps knowing there are folks out there that "understand".

Somewhere in there she does love you, she just isn't able to manage the ability to express that more often cause of the illness.  She really needs help and medication maybe.  Please try to remember though - it isn't "you" that she is screaming at.  She is screaming at what the illness makes her feel and think.

You just need to be you, be an 11 year old, and not try so very hard to be a "good" friend.  You'll spend your entire life trying to be a "good" friend and that is a very sad way to live cause it isn't you, my dear, you are already a very "good" friend.  It's the illness.