I am so irritable and out of sorts these past few days! Life is just not cooperating with me and every thing’s black in my world. I broke up with my online lover yesterday (please, no judgement on this topic!) and I just feel like sh*t. We were going to have her come over from Europe to meet me, and that plan just crumbled because of our respective anxieties and reservations. So then we decide that we should meet in a neutral place, Spain to be exact, so that we would both have a chance to be away from our mates and to get to know one another better. But then we called that off and the next thing I know, her and her family are making plans to go to Spain on vacation in August!!! She cannot understand why that hurts me! It makes me feel that if she goes on that holiday, that there will not be another chance for a holiday for us for a long time, especially since she has two young kids to take care of!!! So, she doesn’t understand that that hurt and upset me, and I told her that I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t even see why that would hurt me. I also told her a lot of my frustrations with us always being interrupted by her husband (she’s very unhappily married!) and her kids. The kids I can understand, but she need to set boundaries with her husband on how she likes to spend her free time on the computer talking to me. Sure she gives him time too, in the evenings. But he’s always over her shoulder when she’s talking to me and interrupting us and making a pest of himself in general. I think that she should just tell him she’s gay and wants to be with a woman, that way she’d get some peace of mind and some peace in regards to talking with me. 

   Enough about that! My school is so slow in responding to my questions and so is my tutor there. (Everyone has one, it’s more like a mentor than someone you hire to teach you.) And that’s frustrating me to no end! I can’t even start the next assignment because I haven’t heard back from him on how to do it. AND they want me to take it slow because it’s a three year program and I submitted my profile and first assignments quickly. I love school and like to be really busy with it at all times, I don’t like the way they make me wait. I’m writing my first novel and that is frustrating me too! It’s such hard work, if you’ve never written a book, I doubt you know all that’s entailed, it’s grueling and arduous, to say the least. 

   My girl friend is frustrating me too! She and I have a written agreement and she’s supposed to be looking for work, she has a deadline on this as well and is not following through. She has forced me to support her for almost a whole five years now and it’s high time she learns to depend on herself financially and stop forcing me to support her that way. She’s mentally ill too, but is able to work, we’ve worked together at a workshop, and just doesn’t want to be a contributing member in this relationship or in society as a whole. So that’s my gripe or my journal entry of whatever. onus.