I've lost quite a few very close people in relatively short time over the last several years. In the immediate time, after the loss, I grieved immensly for them BUT returned to work.. returned to daily functioning.. and yet, still grieved.
The depression of their loss, within my life; the "hole" created for which they once were... was quite painful and still... some, to this day... still quite painful. Yet, the depressive grief I went through was for a time... for a season.
My depressions; they recur. Over and over and over they recur. They cycle, in and out, in between and betwixt "good" periods. They do not go away EVER and as I get older, they get worse.
While I'm in my depressions, the grief of loss does come back and play a part. Along with all my perceived failures and inadequacies. Anything the mind can conjur up and twist around to convince me to off myself for it better for those surrounding me. This happens, over and over and over and over and over again in cycles.
Grief and grieving is depression and low in spirit over a purpose that is viewed justified. It lasts but a season, though sometimes long and for some very short.
Depression...Bipolar Depression... has little purpose, is never truly justified by anyone including the one afflicted with it, and it's season justs keep repeating itself until the one afflicted with it is dead. Cause ain't no medication out there to cure it and certainly none to make one happy for long, not even the illegal stuff.
I would not medicate someone for Grief over a loss of a person or job or marriage. We already have too many folks medicated for damn near everything now. Let folks just be human and feel something.
When it gets beyond normal human feeling and bereavement, and most know what and when the line has been crossed... then look at the meds.
Amen Tabby...
We've gotten to the point in our society that most everyone has a label and we medicate for everything. Legal drugs (ie. sugar, caffeine, alcohol, tobacco) or doc prescribed drugs or even street drugs.
Why not find out the root cause??? The Why??? Lots of theories for every situation. Lots of different therapies. Each person and body is different.
God gave us each and every one of our emotions. It's OK to feel them.
I agree that sometimes...for some of us...we need meds.
But not for every twitch or tingle.
I've heard about something called complicated grief, which makes sense to me, at least for me. We can experience losses of different kinds and sometimes, especially as children, we don't have the tools to work through them or nobody helps us, so they start layering and layering. We store them somewhere where we don't have to think about them, but they're there. Then, for whatever reason, we experience an episode of depression and, as Tabby said, it kind of dredges up all of the previous losses and maybe not even consciously, so we start feeling hopeless about ever feeling better. I have recognized the color of grief in my own depressions and have started working on its origins with EMDR and I have to say, it is bringing some peace. I am on medication, but this is different. I couldn't do the grief work when I was deeply depressed, so the medication has helped alleviate enough of it that I am able to do it.
Thanks for the post, it was very timely for me.
Two months ago the sister of a bipolar friend of mine learned her sister was missing, an empty car was found, and a search party looked everywhere nearby to find her. She was never found.
My friend became stressed, sad, anguished - she alternated being grieving about her loss and staying hopeful her sister would be found. For her there was no sense of closure and the stress seemed to be a trigger for her bipolar disorder, and she confided in me that she was stopping some of her medications on her own and that they were the problem.
The question comes up in my mind in a case like hers, sadness and grief are what "normal" people would feel, but when we have a bipolar/depressed diagnosis, how do we sort out which is which and which causes the other to get worse and lead to our dysfunction?
I am bipolar/depressed also and from time to time been medication non-compliant, often for reasons of denial, but sometimes blaming them for what I feel instead of looking inside to find it.
So I think the boundary between sadness/depression is not so clearly drawn in life situations like my friend. As the missing sister is now in its third month of occurrence, I wonder if the two- or four-week criterion works in her situation.
I guess the rule here is that there is an exception to almost every rule.
With loss comes grief, we all have experienced it in different shapes and forms. And all of us, when grieving, experience at least some of the five stages of grief. It's how we get thru the healing process.
In my opinion, people without mental health issues should NOT be taking paxil, effexor or any other antidepressant to ease the pain of grieving. Tammy said it well: "let folks just be human and feel something". Too much abuse out there already with unnecessary medications.
Eight years ago I lost a child. My grieving continues but I have found some peace. One thing I have discovered is that the grieving process is very different for me (as a bipolar) than for grieving non-bipolars I have talked with that have lost a child.
My pdoc, in his wisdom, told me to do my best to separate my illness from my grieving. I tried to take his advice but was not successful. Instead, at some point my grieving and my bipolar ended up on a collision course. Guess my point is that we bipolars can have some serious challenges when it comes to grieving.
Those without MI have some as well, ours are simply a lot more complicated.
Good topic, it hit a chord with me. Thanks, John.
Judy
I am so sorry for your loss. I still grieve for my miscarried daughter, but your situation is so different. It is the worst possible thing that can happen to someone. I hope you have heard of Compassionate Friends, an organization of people who have had children die. No matter how long ago it happened or how old the child, you can join and get support from other grieving parents.
I am so sorry for your loss. I still grieve for my miscarried daughter, but your situation is so different. It is the worst possible thing that can happen to someone. I hope you have heard of Compassionate Friends, an organization of people who have had children die. No matter how long ago it happened or how old the child, you can join and get support from other grieving parents.
Interesting points, John. Freud, interestingly, thought that grief and depression operate by the same mechanism in the brain, but depression is grief gone awry. IMHO, grief is necessary to some situations. My sister lost her husband when he was 46 and they had two young children. I don't think she's had time to grieve. And she won't get over the death until she does grieve. My 23 year marriage is ending, apparently I ruined his life, and I think I'm grieving, not depressed. I feel like something died.
As to wisdom from suffering, that is the main tenet of Buddhism. I think suffering acknowledged and reflected upon leads to wisdom. Mere suffering, such as the pain of a broken leg, usually does not lead to wisdom, except maybe the resolution to avoid risky behaviors. For real wisdom, it has to be meta-suffering.
Treating Grief on a Bipolar is definately needed..I can tell you that from my experience of not being complient with my anti-depressant during a terrible loss of a loved one. As soon as I got back on my anti-depressant my suicidal tendacies significantly decreased. I attempted suicide while being off my anti-depressant. The first dose I took when I got back on it did a big difference.
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Your approximatelty right Mr. Fellow blogger. I would say its depression due to immense grief or sorrow.