Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Okay, everyone. I need your help - again. As you recall, a number of weeks ago, I asked about online dating services (I had just signed up on one site). The next week I asked about disclosing my illness (I was in contact with another person). Your answers were very helpful. I'm happy to report that I...
John,
I've been happily married for 28 years. Here is what my husband and I have found...since you are still in the dating stage (courtship) you may have to modify a bit.
*100%/0% rule...there is no 50/50. 100% giving/0% expectations
*communicate...honestly...no secrets.
*Give each other space.
*I don't know your religious affiliation but attend services...it's proven that those that do, are more committed to one another
*Forgive...we all are human. Humans make mistakes, say stupid things, don't behave appropriately at times.
*Really listen to each other. Without defensiveness. Without personalizing. Without planning your next comments in your head as they are talking.
*Have fun together.
*Have a sense of humor.
*Make a written list of all the things you are thankful for about that person. Bring it out and read it when things get tough. Add to it daily. We, with bipolar can easily go into the 'stinkin' thinkin' mode...I think there are 15-18 different illadvised thinking patterns.
*Stay on your meds/keep seeing your therapist/take her with at times especially if she's "normal"
*A relationship is a journey. It will grow together in steps...some forward, some backward. Be prepared for the twists and turns and adventures. Look at it as such.
*Each person is doing the best they can for that day.
*Stay humble.
You are still in the early, honeymoon stages...there will come a day, it always does, when you will look at that person and think, What was I thinking? It happens even after this long...but you have to know, and believe, this is it. It's ok.
If you are a bible reader...look up 1 Corinthians 13:1-13. That is the prescription for a healthy, loving relationship. Read it through as is. Read it through the 2nd time and substitute your name in verses 4-8 for the word Love. Know that the God of the universe wants love and peace in all relationships.
I hope this is valuable.
God Bless,
Shelly
Hey, Shelly. This is great. Thank you very much for taking the time to answer me. :)