I have had 2 "high mixed manic" episodes that landed me IP (I checked myself in after much pleading from therapists) and 1 "manic" episode that I should have gone but refused.  So, I've had 3.

I've had 3 in my entire 44 years on this earth.  Just 3.

The first one, I did not go IP.  Between second and third, 10 years.

I struggle primarily with severe depression.  I have 4 cycles in a 12 month span of time.  In between, I have hypomania spells.

Now, I've been told that I have Bipolar I due to the 3 episodes and that I tend to experience "psychotic features".  However, because I struggle primarily with the severe depression with intermittent bouts of true hypomania... I've been primarily diagnosed with Bipolar II.  The therapists, I've seen, diagnose me with Major Recurring Depression or Dysthymia, btw.

**Tip:  If it is humanly possible; if you find a really good open minded psychiatrist and an equally good open minded therapist, stick with them.  Because if you are like me, and due to finances, insurance, etc... and you have to keep changing them out year after year.... you get differing diagnoses.  Meds are all the same but, the "cause" seems to differ.

Docs, most of them, are into "prophylatic" medication to "prevent".  They are not into actually treating the symptoms you may actually be experiencing.  They are into retarding symptoms or retarding possible symptoms.  If you experience "normal" ups and downs - because you have Bipolar - you are considered unable to handle those, they might go to stage 5 rather than stay at stage 1.

In crisis situations, I want the meds... even if they make my legs and arms twitch and jerk, my lips pucker, my eyelids swell, my neck contort and pull my head backwards, my bladder unable to let go (seriously, it and other more severe things have happened).  I only have true crisis situations... sporadically and sometimes with a year or longer in between.

The 2006 manic episode that landed me IP and I obtained the Bipolar diagnosis - was the worst but let me tell you how it came on:

I was in a horrible situation at work.  I was working as a billing person within my local indigent MH center and doing fine until the receptionist quit and a job freeze went into play.

See, it was just she and I in the office.  There were no other "office people".  So, when she quit... I was it. 

I was it for 6 months and we handled all the crisis calls, law enforcement situations, and the general run of the mill situations within my very large county.  We had substance abuse, alcohol, child abuse, child molestations, you name it... we dealt with it and being the it person in the office... I answered the calls, made the appointments, dealt with highly agitated MI folks, and highly agitated clinicians and docs.

I went through 10 weeks with only 2-3 hours, at best, maybe per night (when I slept)... sleep. You know, I didn't miss it at first - the sleep. 

The longer it went, the more wired I became.  The more stress I was placed under, the more "pressured" inside I felt.  The more was loaded, the faster I felt I had to perform and I had an insatiable need to move and think and do faster and faster and faster.

My legs twitched constantly, my fingers drummed continously, my speech ramped beyond my recognition at the end.  Folks starting asking me about alcohol and drug usage (which I didn't then and do not now)... I giggled at everything, I burst into tears over all things, I got where I could not remember days on end.

My brain was frying and I could not stop it.  Then suddenly, I was suicidal because I slammed against the brick wall and a caring psychologist, within that same MH center, convinced me to go IP.

Since then... I've had only 1 mildly related episode likened to that and this was this past Spring when I worked for a call center.  Only, I recognized fairly quickly what was happening this time... I stopped it by quitting the job and searching out yet another pdoc and tdoc.  I went on meds for a while, things quieted down, life settled... i stopped the meds but I'm still seeing the tdoc.

I'm also working in a new job that is overall, a better more stable place.

Course, now I'm in a depression... but this is one of my 4 cycles.  I know it by it's smell.

Yet... because I had that last BIG spell in 2006... the docs since want me to go on the anti-psychotics (that caused major weight gain, swollen eyelids, and leg jerking/lip puckering, etc..) and stay on them... on moderate dosages.  Why?  Because, I have Bipolar and it may happen down the road.

I've also had them want to prescribe the APs because I might develop --- get this --- hypersexuality and full on psychosis.  Now, I've had psychotic disturbances and have since I was 10 (that is, I see it and hear it BUT I know it's not true & tend to just disregard them until they pass) and I've never had hypersexuality. 

Yet, because I might develop full on psychosis or reckless hypersexuality.. I'm to retard with a moderate dosaged AP.  For how long, I asked?  "Most likely for the rest of your life."

I don't think so doc.

Donna-1

10/16/10 4:52pm

Job stress was always a big precursor of a relapse for me.  I tried job after job trying to find one with minimal stress, and finally applied for and was approved for Social Security Disability Income and a small pension.  Of course, I would like to have more money, but in my case it just isn't worth getting sick again.  I applaud the decisions you have made to take good care of yourself.  That's necessary for all of us.