Glad that San Diego has helped with the jet lag. but more than that it is the inward looking at the outward evidence of man and history that soothed your soul.
To often in the busy-ness of today we do not see that a common thread connects us as humans - the spirit whether it be Christian, Jew, Muslim or otherwise all need hope in the life of today. Bipolar is no respector of faith, race, economic status or gender. The review of something so ancient serves only to remind us of the path that has long been traveled and we can only hope that in 1000's of years we leave something for our children that create a mystic experience.
Our only hope is that "they get it" the way we can help em "get it" is to share with our neighbors that fires start with little sparks.
In other words the small thing we do as individuals within our own home or community can make a huge difference in the preservation of our resources and earth.l
The same applies for reduction of stigma associated with mental illness or mood disorders or personality disorders (not my terms but most common language) Knowledge is power and spread to the ones within the sounds of our voice and view of our actions.
I want to go to Alaska before the ice caps melt.
Dear John:
Before I say anything, I want to preface my remarks with the comment that I am very envious of you and what you are able to do on a regular basis. You have the wonderful opportunity to go to and speak at conferences, to experience things like museums and Disney World and, on top of that, to share your experiences with everyone on this forum (and other places as well).
That said, I really wondered what the significance of your experience with the Dead Sea Scrolls, was to bipolar disorder. Yes, it was inspirational for you, but what does that have to do with those of us who do not have the luxury of experiencing such things? On top of that, I felt like I was being reminded, yet again, about religion; and I have been exposed to that all too many times, being a person with bipolar disorder. For some reason, people seem to find it necessary to relate bipolar to organized religion, such as christianity and judaism, not seeming to think about the many of us who are agnostic, atheist or simply unsure about what they believe.
What is it about becoming "famous" on the mental health circuit, that makes regular folks like you and others I have known feel like they can have a free pass to share all their great fortune with peons like me? I really appreciated your previous comments about biplar and felt like there was a connection there. Since the post about Orlando and the Dead Sea Scrolls, I can't help but think that you are flaunting your good lifestyle for people like me, who can't even think about going to Orlando. How about sharing some of your experiences with bipolar disorder that have nothing to do with your activities as a national writer and speaker? I very much appreciate the posts from people who are sharing their pain and joy about their disorders, living life in the real world - not on the national conference or writer's circuit.
It is hard enough to struggle day to day with this disorder, than to go onto a forurm like this, only to find that moderators and "experts" have taken over the forums with all of their "inspirational", educational and thought provoking experiences while at conferences supported by and for those of us with mental health issues. I haven't been on this forum long enough to know how you live when you aren't at conferences and, who kows, you may live your day to day life in a humble environment. If that is the case, I would much rather hear about how you do THAT every day than hear you talk about how fantastic it is to live in hotels while at conferences.
My question is, what are you doing to ensure that the "little people" have the opportunity to have experiences like you are? I don't just want to read about the good life from another person's perspective; I would much rather live the good life. I am sorry if I seem petty, but it is rather like a slap in the face to hear about "towels, yes real towels", when I am coming home every night to a tiny apartment I can barely afford.
I hesitated all week before sending this post. I realize it makes me look petty and jealous. And, yes, I suppose I am both of those things. I just wanted to know what happened to the supposed interest in those of us who are in the trenches and who can only dream of or remember life at conferences and museums. How about remembering that some of us are struggling to make it through each and every day? I am sorry, but it seems like you are flaunting your good fortune onto a group of people who have little or no control over what goes onto these posts and get inundated with e-mails in their inboxes telling them to expect a great sharepost from people like you, telling me of your amazing life in Orlando or San Diego.
For your next post, I would like to hear what you are planning to do for those of us who do not have the luxury of living the good life, such as you do. It appears that your bipolar is in remission, since you make regular, lengthy posts to this forum, that do not show any evidence of mania or depression. Do you still relate to those of us who are suffering daily with symptoms of depression, anxiety, mania and so on? Perhaps you are fortunate enough to be "cured" of your disease now that you have made it to the national level. I believe I would feel much better every day, if I, too, were afforded the opportunity to go to places like Orlando and San Diego on a regular basis.
I am very happy that at least someone has crawled out of the hole called loneliness, poverty and despair that bipolar creates. I only wish it were me. I am sorry for the negative post. I just don't know how much more I can take of national advocate's inspirational and educational posts. While it can be inspiring, I prefer to hear about life that people experience from day to day, just making it from paycheck to paycheck. Then, to hear their story about how great life is for them, now that they are working every day at a regular job and coming home to their family every day - THAT is inspirational! Those of you who make it to the national speaking circuit are definitely not the norm.
Again, what's in it for a person like me, who is reading these posts on a daily basis? Your post about the Dead Sea Scrolls didn't make me feel more "connected" to you. It only illustrated how different your life is from mine . . . . .
Kay
Dear John:
I appreciate your quick response to my post. For you to say the connection is clear between the Dead Sea Scrolls experience and bipolar is your opinion. I did not grasp the significance of the comparison. When you told me what it was, I was like, "oh, yeah, now I get it". I guess these things are evident to one who is able to see the metaphoric big picture, but less so for those of us who are stuck in the trenches.
I am very happy for the heartbreak and agony you have overcome. And, yes, your inspiration can be a source of inspiration by others. Still, I can't help but wonder what you are still doing for people who are nowhere near where you are it, in terms of your recovery. Are you helping other "peons" make it to the world you so thoroughly enjoy now? Or, is that just a world for a very lucky few, who have made it through hell and back, to get to the top?
I can only garner so much inspiration from the tale of another. I have to have change in my life to make me start believe in miracles. Your miracles do not mean I will experience one in the near future. I know of so many people who would like to do what you are doing right now. What about them? Are they destined to only hear about that experience second hand and,
further, supposed to feel grateful for having been shared this information?
Would you be willing to help someone, such as myself, to get to where you are now? Would you be willing to share a piece of the proverbial "pie"? Or is it, as I suspected, only for an elite group of people who are published authors and renowned speakers - who, by the way, happen to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder?
It's a superb way to take advantage of an otherwise awful situation, and I applaud you for making a life your yourself, based on your personal experiences with bipolar. The question is, can you still relate to those of us who are not in your position? Can you reach down and help us to achieve what you have?
If you can say yes, then you truly are an inspiration. If you say no, then I fear you are but another casualty of the nationally known "consumers" of mental health services who end up serving themselves quite nicely, while giving lip service to the majority who will never know this kind of life.
Kay
I could go over and over the bad things in my life and the bad things in the day to day existance. but how can that help you dwell in the sad existance of illness. Bipolar also has good and bad. Try to find what is good for you and move toward that goal. I know the pain of loss of job, of total isolation for over four months I think the only people who saw me where my ups man, a neighbor and my animals. I don't think John or myself share the trip to Orlando or the DBSA conference to "rub in anything" I believe we share the experience to give you hope that if we can pull ourselves from the dark grip of this illness or the damage of mania and for me death attempts and hospitilazation that you may also some how feel that spirit and renew your hope that living and being in a state of wellness with Bipolar is possible. Although sometimes brief and the most fierce of rollercoasters of life - sometimes there is accomplishments. There are trips to meet others that have or are suffering and yet striving against odds to find new coping skills. To share what has worked for us. To put one foot in front of the other. to struggle to the bathroom - get a shower and put on clean something (pj's, tshirt, house dress or outfit) Just the sheer motion of day to day can be exhausting - so when one or more suffering bipolar illness have a break and attain enough wellness to muster up to the crowd and speak.. HOOOO Rhaaa. is in order.
I feel your pain but as you said it is rooted in jealousy or self pity. do your best to let it go.. it is a mind game. you are aware or you wouldn't have blogged.
I want slap ya on the wrist but praise you for letting go of the feelings. Hold them in only festure like a boil and the pus needs to surfaces in order to seek relief from the pain. I hope you continue to share and the only thing I can say about day to day is find one little thing to count your blessing.
A friend, a child, a flower, sun or needed rain, an animal, or even the fact although your apartment may be hard to afford - you are not in a maytag box under the local bridge. May the spirit of mother earth give you some peace. Check out the clouds, touch the grass, smell the flowers. you only have today - no promise of tomorrow
Thank you for your prompt response. This will probably be my last post to you, as I don't feel like my questions are being answered and, now, I feel like I am being patronized.
I, too, have lived in a cardboard box under a bridge, so you are not alone in that. What was worse, was having my 5-year old son with me at the same time. So don't get me wrong, I do appreciate my tiny apartment. That doesn't mean that I can't dream about having more than this. I will probably have to file bankruptcy due to medical bills, and I think that is a true crime in the United States today. I don't think people should have to file bankruptcy because they owe money for medical bills that they did not choose to have, in the first place. But that is a whole other post.
And suicide - yes, I have attempted and very nearly succeeded, in killing myself on three separate occasions. When I saw the devastation that it caused my son, I somehow came up with the strength to stop attempting to commit suicide. I have gone a little over a year and a half without attempting to kill myself. I hope I make it to forever - or at least, until I die - and not at my hands.
When I was working at the national level, one of my primary objectives was to help other people achieve what I had achieved. I worked with many people to help them get into the circuit, by training them, so that they, too, could become speakers and writers on the national level. It was very empowering for me to watch that growth in others. Since I have been homeless and, now widowed, I no longer am able to take off and give speeches like I once did. I co-founded two statewide support groups for people with mental illness, and to my knowledge, they are still up and running, although I am not involved with them anymore.
I am very glad that you have the support of your female friend. Having a great friend to rely on and share things with is an invaluable thing to have and, I say, more power to you. For me, right now, it is pretty much just my son and myself. Don't get me wrong, I cherish me relationship with my son. Sometimes it would be nice to have some adult companionship as well.
Just as food for thought: when you are away at conferences and giving speeches to many people, try to remember that there are others out there who could be just as good as you are, giving speeches and writing articles for magazines, etc. All they need is a little help from someone who is already there, doing that job. Please don't forget about them. At some time, you must have been given a break and someone welcomed you into the national fold. There are always many people like yourself, who are looking for that one lucky break - a connection that helps them achieve their higher dreams.
I am not normally the type to create waves. It's just that I feel it is imperative for those of you who have "made it" to share some of the wealth with those of us who have not made it. It's like a ladder full of people, where each person who is higher up the ladder, lends a hand to the person below him and helps pull him up to where he once was.
I hope you have a wonderful day, and I hope you continue to be symptom free. It is an awesome feeling to be free of depression and hypermania. I am hopeful that, some day, I will be where you are. It was a great life, to be able to make a living by the very thing that nearly destroyed my life.
Take good care. And, please, it was not necessary to talk down to me. Depressed though I may be, I am totally responsible for my thoughts, actions and behaviors.
Kay
I was not talking down to anyone and if you feel that way - only you can change how you feel because in no way was I trying to belittle or talk down to anyone.
I'm struggling and just went through bankruptcy and lost my house in 2005. 1000's of bipolar people and disabled people for that matter have lost all and the government has not been there soon enough to keep us off the street and on medication. But I will not go into politics or injustices of mental health stigma. I'm a psychotic b@$$# to many I use to work and because I stood and did a NAMI IOOV
presentation I was banned from attending nursing school and escorted out of the building for not being a "good fit" to the program. So don't think I talk down to anyone. I don't. I've suffered and I fall. but real strength comes when you get up for the uptenth time bloody and battered and somehow you still move forward. The key is move! Any direction but envy or hatred. Just move.
I hear your pain and your frustration but I also hear the strength. Focus from your pain and use your strength. Share. Share and share somemore.
I too am a single mom and my son does help me a great deal and had to see me in the depths of my illness. He sees my mood swings and is becoming very good at telling moma to take a "chill pill" or brings me a diet coke and tootsie rolls to muster me up from bed on the dark weeks. KAY Your break will come and as you blogged you have already given back and that giving is what makes life continue. It is sharing your story and someday adding the healing moments that will help you achieve your dreams. Start your resume today. Start with a new goal - something to make you feel a sence of pride in yourself.
Let go of the resentment and don't judge unless you be judged. Blogging here is about sharing - healing- and sometimes crying. Read some of the other post - you have life experience that can be shared and may be the saving grace for someone newly diagnosed or just learning a path to wellness.
I am far from symptom free - but Knowledge is power and sharing is freedom for your pent up feelings. Don't stop blogging - just start a new one or find another one - You are your own warrior. No one knows what works for another but sometimes in sharing others do find some common thread and those starts the comfort blanket that can carry us at our lowest points.
Kay I wish you nothing but the best, but only you hold your future. Not doctors, therapist, meds or John or any other advocate.
The final decisions of what carries you to a state of wellness are in your hands because - although we need a good group of support and professional intervention for meds or therapy- the ultimate decision lies in yours court. When you believe that (with every ounce of breath) you will find peace and control that will help your dreams come true.
I am astonished at the lack of knowledge I have seen here as to the criticisms that have been directed against this exhibit which, as is clear from John's description, clearly misleads the public as to the current state of research on the Dead Sea Scrolls. See, e.g.,
http://museumethics.wordpress.com/
or
http://www.nowpublic.com/node/525806
or
http://www.nowpublic.com/christian-fundamentalism-and-dead-sea-scrolls-san-diego.
I would suggest that having a bipolar experience is not an excuse for accepting a pile of balderdash in an entirely uncritical manner. John may not have been aware of the accusations of misconduct directed against the exhibitors, who have been careful not to divulge such information to the public. But now John has been informed, and perhaps will have second thoughts about the connection between science (or "natural history") and quasi religious feelings of "connectedness" and "healing."
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"Yes, bad things happen to good people, but all in service to a higher purpose. We may lack the capacity to understand, but we need to trust in God."
Amen.