ok you are a smart, witty , good-looking guy. you will get through this and you will feel horribly (at times but not for nearly as long as you think). Promise to take a walk or exercise--you are a catch..not for everyone but for a whole big bunch of women out there. USe this time to figure out what you, JOhn, the great guy, want..use it to decide if you would have done anything differently..no beating yourself up..beat yourself up if you start to do that :) You have great value and add so much for so many. That's the real truth. When you are through this --let me know--I have about 30 women who would love to meet you.
When we try to cope - mindfully facing life as you are - we end up doing a better job than those without mental illness. I've thought of pain as growth comparing it to a flower bud tearing and breaking apart to create a beautiful flower. Plus all the other cliches ring true. Hopefully your healing brings you to a place that you love. All of us out here are thinking of you. For all the work, support, research, advocacy, education (and I could go on and on) you have done for all of us, know that we are here to be supportive in any way we can - just give a holler! ;-)
Hugs,
Stephanie
Don't go shopping for computers or new digitial toys to substitute for the ex-girlfriend. speaking from experience it proably isn't anything you did personally it is her choice, for her reasons and her issue. YOu are a great friend, a gracious funny person and loved with respect by many of your friends. Big hug across the miles. clydelady
Towards the end of July I attempted suicide. I was hospitalized for 3 days and forced the doctors to let me out because I saw how painful it was on my boyfriend. I figured if I got out things would get better cause I could then work on the relationship. They only got worse. About a month after my attempt, we finally sat down and had "that" conversation. 4 months ago today we broke up. He said he didn't think it was something he could "put" up with for the rest of his life and the fact that he worried about me constantly. So needless to say he left me at my most vulnerable time. I've struggled since and have been getting my medications adjusted and still seeing the doc and therapist regularly. There's not a day that goes by that I don't get into these crying spells nor a day that goes by that I want to call him and hear his voice. So I've been beating myself up daily and have friends and family that love me I'm just too wrapped up in my own misery I can't see/feel it. The point is, she just wasn't the one. That's what everyone else tells me and it kills to hear that. I'm sure if you're like me wonder if you'll find someone that will love and accept you for WHO you are and NOT what you have. Wishing you the best of luck from one broken heart to another...I understand
Ah John... so sorry.
This may sound uhm cold but to me it seems... she was not as into you as you were into her for to just call up and say "we are not"... just screams, inconsequential.
That does not mean that YOU are inconsequential. Hardly.
Yes, you are and will go through all the detachment emotions and feelings and because you have Bipolar (that twisted insidious mind churning thoughts disorder) you will have a full on battle of the brain going... but you know this... rationally speaking. IT is NORMAL to have the detachment emotions, the sadness, the grief.
IT IS NORMAL.
The abnormal is what the disorder does to all the normal stuff. So, you do what you are doing and you are doing what seems logical and therapeutic. Doesn't help when things get quiet and the day settles in upon itself, I'm sure and your mind starts to trickle into those places... but soon... and I'm sure of this... you'll have it on something far more important and far more worthwhile.
It just takes time and it takes a while for the heart and soul to heal. While it is recuperating... try as hard as you can to not give in to that which you know is not productive or proactive to you and your illness... take joy in your friends and family who love you, adore you, and find you oh so consequential and important
and take time for yourself to perhaps enjoy the sunsets.
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I knw something was wrong.
Remember that these horrible feelings and thoughts won't last the rest of your life.
I am so sorry this happened.
Do whatever is necessary to get yourself through this. Sounds like you're already doing the smart things.
I'll PRAY you through this.
Hugs, M