Monday, March 14, 2011
Continuing on with my current series on psychosis ...
The current DSM makes reference to bipolar disorder “with psychotic features,” but one has to flip the pages to the obscure diagnosis of “brief psychotic disorder” for a symptom list, namely:
Delusions; hallucinat...
At times, not often but often enough, I see & hear things that I know that I know are not really real. I have told the pros and they have all either nodded or smiled, and jotted something on the piece of paper, laid out in front of them.
They ask if I know that what I hear & see isn't real? I tell them "yes but it doesn't take away from the fact that I see & hear it and it's disturbing though not frightening.". They continue to smile and/or nod their heads... and write.
They've said it's not actual psychosis if I am aware that whatever it is isn't real. It's only psychosis when what is happening, I believe IS real... when it's not.
I then get so confused because I've asked "well then, what the hell am I having when I see things and animals and people or hear voices that I know can't possibly be real or know for certain aren't real?"
Their response? a manifestation of deep and prolonged stress
and if I just could learn to handle and manage my stress levels better... then these things would not occur
I also have 2 distinct personalities within my head, other than my own thoughts, that speak continously to me 24/7. They argue with each other and with me, inside my head. I argue with them, inside my head. I am constantly in communication with 1 or both of them, inside my head and they tell me things that aren't true at times and I get where I don't trust my own mind quite often... but because they are all within my head... and not outside my head... they too are not considered "psychosis"
just severe intrusive thought patterns manifested by unmanaged levels of stress
uh huh
tell it to the 2 voices within my head
and folks wonder why I do not have such a high impression of the mental health world... at least not of my own personal 34 year experience with many pros within it... I don't necessarily always "fit" a structured profile that they can point to and say THAT's IT so, they go with what is handy at the moment... which has often been whatever the latest flavor diagnosis of the month is...
Very eye-opening, Tabby. The sheer stupidity of many of the people we entrust our lives to never ceases to amaze me. If I interpret you correctly, not only were the pros you saw unable to identify one of the hallmark manifestations in all of mental illness, but they they displayed no appreciation whatever into how the most prominent underlying condition in all of human behavior (stress) fits into the picture.
Totally mind-boggling, but yet why are we not surprised?
How do I know if people are real or imagined. I seen a man walking in the middle of the street early in the dark morning, two times. He had a white mask on both times, but when I turned the car around to see him better he was gone. I swear I could have touched him if I wanted. At the time, I was manic so he was probably a hallucination. How do I know? He was so real to me. I was also thinking the devil was luring me during that time. It felt real but I knew that was my illness-- even though it scared the hell out of me. Im scared that this illness is going to get worse. It already has but how bad can it get?