That's a line from Jonathan Larson's play, "Rent." I'm not sure if the character of Mark Cohen was necessarily bipolar. All of the characters in "Rent" seem to have some possibility of bipolarity.

I so identify with Mark. I love my writing. I hide in my writing. Whether depressed or hypomanic, I would rather work than be with people. And it's not because I don't love people. Even tonight. Were I not accompanying my daughter and another mother-daughter duo to the theater, I'd cancel. I'd have no compunction about canceling on the other mom, even though she's one of my best friends. The girls -- even though they're teens -- not so much. So I'm going because of guilt. I'm sure once I get there, I will be appropriately amused by the community theatre's teen play of the summer, "Like Totally '80s" or some such thing. I'll love being there with my daughter who will be loving the view of Daniel, the popular senior, in the John Hughes-esque heartthrob role.

I'm putting off putting $ on the phone to talk to one of my other closest friends and most favorite correspondent, a bipolar bear who happens to be in prison, because I'm just not feeling the social thing and would rather cut it all off. It's selfish. He's going to be freaked out that something's wrong. I care about his feelings but in the bigger picture, I can't pull out of my dysthymia enough to do anything about it. And I don't want to talk to anyone.

It's not an attractive trait, to be sure. I know it's hard for loved ones to hear, "No, I'm fine. I just don't want to talk to anyone, okay?"

Be well.

Sunny days.

Amy

I was usually the teacher's pet in school because I got all the extra credit questions right, so I'll give it a go!  Would I care if I never went out or got invited anywhere again?  Actually right now I think it would be a relief.  My only real social outlet is church and the main reason I go there is because my mother needs someone to drive her, and then she takes me out to eat afterwards.  Kind of my reward for being a good little girl.  (Mother's pet, too.)  My other social outlets are: saying "hi" to the Walmart greeter; chatting up the sacker at the grocery store so he will do a good job; trying not to converse with the garrulous older man in front of me in the Post Office line and being called by name at my neighborhood pharmacy because they see me so often.

Now for the rest of the test.  How do I deal with social situations?  For the most part, I don't.  Everyone who knows me knows I don't do social events, except for the obligatory family holidays, and I usually try to find a way out of that too.  If I do go out it is because I am tempted by an offer of ice cream (there's that eating instinct again) from a Sunday School friend.  Sometimes I send her a poem I've written...but then I usually regret sending it because it sounds chaotic and disturbed.  Oh well.  Take me or leave me, preferably the latter.

working, outside the home... I am having to be "out and about" and mingling with the greater society 5 days out of every 7

and no matter how bad I feel, or what type or kind of mood I am in... I am expected to always be cordial, respectful, polite, congenial, eager, happy, smiling, and a positive encourager

all the things that, in general, given my moods and cycles... are hard to muster up and maintain 9 hours a day - 5 days a week

I am, like you, an introvert.  I am, by nature, very shy... standoffish.. timid... and anxious a creature.  This coming from many many years of emotional and mental abuse as a young young child and growing into adulthood (not to mention the physical and other forms).

So, for me to be constantly "on"... is excruiatingly exhausting most days.

Then... there are the family events, with family who I really do not enjoy because they often ridicule and criticize me.  Then there are the social gatherings, due to my teenage child, that I must do so as to further her socialization amongst her peers.

So.. when I'm to myself... I tend to not want to go, want to meet, want to participate.  I'll mumble, bitch, think of 1000 + 1 reasons why I shouldn't... and then quite often the case - find that I rather enjoyed myself afterwards.  Still, I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, and likely spent the entire night before with imaginary conversations and then the voices in my head themselves... churning and spinning.

Extra Credit:  Oddly and somewhat ironically... both would bother me and in reality - do bother me.  Though I am a highly anxious, shy, timid, distrustful of people's intentions person.... I am also, painfully, lonely and many days - very very alone.

I am a basket, filled to the brim, of conflict and contradiction... constantly battling and struggling with the me that resides within... me.