Something I would add to this list of self-medication is TV. Weekends I can sit in front of the TV all day and night allowing my mind a no-brainer vacation from pain and stress. Sleep as a form of self-medication or escape from depression takes on an interesting twist if you are a vivid dreamer. My dream life provides a different landscape, different challenges, and interesting people, places, and situations I can escape into for awhile.
I have discovered that when I am in a depressed state I am much more seually active. While I have not had suicidal thoughts in two years, when depression tries to make an entrance I hear the signs it tells me and act accordingly. Usually it means for me, staying inside, having little contact with people until my brain allows me to be in the drivers seat. This is also when I crave human touch. I also became a Reiki practitioner and am able to offer myself Reiki healing and it really helps.
During hypomania I DO NOT WANT SEX. No orgasm that I can possibly have can make my brain and body feel the way it does during hypomania. This is when I want no one to touch me and vise versa. This is also the time I spend more money than I have. The interesting thing is I purchase stuff that I need for everyday living that I put off buying when depressed.
Thank you for opening up this new conversation on sex and bipolar. I am following this new conversation with great interest.
I am in a relationship with a women who has bipolar disorder. She seems to be a rapid cycler, with the ups and downs each lasting only a few days. For every hypomanic high there is a low to follow shortly. When she is hypomanic, she can be hypersexual. She is on her meds regularly now, so the peaks and valleys are much less pronounced, but still present.
As I think about a longterm relationship, which my heart desires, I am also realistic about the challenges. There have been times in our relationship the past two years when she was hypersexual and wanted not "more" but "different" -- especially when she was not diligent about staying on her meds. She tried to hide a couple of brief affairs and one-night stands from me, worried that she would lose me if I knew.
I like good sex as much as the next person, and am fairly open minded about sexual activity myself. I can empathize and understand her drives and desires without taking them as an attack on our relationship. I viewed the dishonesty and fear of telling me as a much bigger problem than the sexual acts.
Long story short, she has not lost me at this point, and we have reached a new level of openness, trust, and honesty as a result of our dealing with her challenges together. She has become much more open about her disease in general, even inviting me to her doctor visits with her.
As I contemplate our future together, I need to be realistic with my expectations. Will she continue to be challenged by these drives and desires on occasions in the future? (pretty sure that answer is yes) Will we be able to successfully channel her hypersexuality within the bounds of our relationship, or will we have to make certain allowances for her disease? And though I've dealt with these challenges pretty well in the short term, do I have enough patience, empathy, and stamina to deal with this the rest of my life? These and many more questions swirl through my mind.
I very much want to understand as much as I can about the relationship between bipolar and hypersexuality. I want to be both open-minded and to keep my eyes wide open as I venture down this relationship journey.
Thanks again for your posts. I will follow with avid interest.
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when one feels not a thing but deadness and lifelessness
and desires to feel something, something, anything other than the excruiating pain of deadness and lifelessness - for those offer nothing but blackened pain
many do anything, something, to just feel "alive" and "connected"
cutting oneself, burning oneself, over eating or comfort eating, drugs, alcohol, sex, extreme dangerous activity such as speeding, etc...
the overwhelming need to just feel something, to be connected, to be alive
rather than absolutely despairingly nothing