I am about to prepare a Christmas Eve dinner for five. What is wrong with this picture?

As you will recall, last week I explicitly stated that “the holidays come and go with hardly any notice. Perhaps my protective isolation is an unhealthy escape, but I’m looking at it as a very healthy adaptation. Trust me, I am in no hurry to revisit my ghosts of Christmas’ past.”

Famous last words.

Five or six days ago, I just happened to pick up a spiral ham in Trader Joe's. Who knows? If my brother didn’t have something better to do, maybe he could come over and we could watch a football game or something. Oops! I don’t have a TV - scratch the football game.

One thing led to another. I had the ham. My brother was dropping by. Maybe a couple I get on very well with might be interested in joining us. Turns out they were available Christmas Eve. So - while I was at it - why not add one more? 

Next thing, I was back at Trader Joe's picking up all the rest of the stuff for a proper celebration. No quick slap-together meal for me. A full range of appetizers and side dishes and beverages. Conveniently, Men’s Wearhouse was in the same shopping center, so I picked out a suit for a New Year’s Eve function that I had only just decided on attending, but that’s another story. I always stay in on New Year’s Eve. Always - always, always. No exceptions. Seriously, what is wrong with this picture?

Then, yesterday, a quick run to the Dollar Store. A few extra drinking glasses and serving dishes and stuff, plus some holiday napkins, and - why not? - a couple of Christmas decorations.

So, last night I began preparing, clearing this area for food prep, that area for serving, and so on. Plus I threw together a lentil-cranberry-walnut salad and an applesauce with strawberries. My main project today is the scalloped potatoes - peel, slice, coat in a heavy cream sauce with parm and ground nutmeg and find a space in the oven not already occupied by the ham and the sweet potatoes. The asparagus I can do on top of the stove.

I will also organize my appetizers - smoked salmon, gourmet cheeses, sliced peasant bread, and so on. Trust me, when my guests show up they will think Martha Stewart paid a midnight visit.

Of all things, since I am so well-organized and I know what I’m doing and I love to cook for others, anyway, today will be a snap. No drama. I don’t even have to make a big deal of cleaning the house - I happen to be the lucky beneficiary of a massive one-month totally-out-of-character home-and-business reclamation project that means guests don’t have to move things out of the way in order to sit down or walk around.

I don’t even have to vacuum the place. 

So - I will be with great people. We will have a great time. I will thoroughly enjoy myself. I’m sure there’s a question in this, and maybe I already answered it. Recall - at the beginning of this piece, I asked “What is wrong with this picture?”