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On Being Philosophical - New Year's Eve Ruminations

John McManamy Health Guide December 30, 2012
  • This is my last post of the year. It's not my fault. We've run out of days. On a positive note, I am told we will receive a new allotment very very soon, perhaps in 2013.   This is typically a time when we look back at the past year. Time magazine does its Man of the Year, everyone has a top mov...

2 Comments
  • Tabby
    Jan. 01, 2013

    I sat, upon my recliner, last night and looked about. I warn - this will be a downer, I apologize up front.

     

    I started reflecting on the past 12 months, have been doing that these last few days, as I always do this time of year.  My mind immediately went to the glaring events;

     

    vast unemployment and underemployment

    financial loss and near extinction...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    I sat, upon my recliner, last night and looked about. I warn - this will be a downer, I apologize up front.

     

    I started reflecting on the past 12 months, have been doing that these last few days, as I always do this time of year.  My mind immediately went to the glaring events;

     

    vast unemployment and underemployment

    financial loss and near extinction

    health issues increasing in expanding progression

    mental health issues increasing in expanding progression

    and well, many other things...

     

    and the more these things popped in my mind, the more my mood lowered.  It lowered to a point, in fact, that I nearly chose to NOT see January 1st arrive.

     

    Yet... I then decided to think of what I did have;

    my daughter

    my family

    my home, a job all the same, my health as it is, my mental health as it is

    and well, many other practical things

     

    and I then went to bed around 10pm.  I could not stand to watch the New Year arrive.

     

    Each year, at this time... I pray feverantly that the New Year will bring "better" for me and others.  That there will be some sort of change, overall, to bring some sense of peace and - at minimum - cheer. 

     

    Perhaps, even the hope that the proverbial pendulum will swing upward and kind of hook itself in that postion, in that it has stayed rutted in the down position for so utter long now.  Each year, at this time... I pray.

     

    I feel guilt and shame desiring better, though I note what I do have and am appreciative beyond measure.  I know that only a second, it would take, for everything to be lost and I am viligant of this 24/7/365... viligant to the point of perputual anxiety and fear. 

     

    Still, I long and desire for better, for peace, for cheerful things, for brighter days... then the guilt and shame sits in.

     

    I pray that everyone here has a good and safe holiday.  That everyone returns and that everyone finds what they seek. 

     

    Most of all, I hope that everyone's pendulum swings.  If it is swinging, at least there is a change for the good as well as the bad.  I mean, if it is swinging then it means you are living... so much better than being dead, while still breathing.

  • cathryne
    Dec. 30, 2012

    Well, I seldom wax philosphical.  In my family that was left up to my dad or my mothers brother.  Everyone has their PhD in Math or Physics.  Idn'tfg.  But philosophical or not, I had a marvelous year.  My son was able to establish a meaninful life outside his group home He has a job, live with other sober roommates(he's alcoholic)...

    RHMLucky777

    Read More

    Well, I seldom wax philosphical.  In my family that was left up to my dad or my mothers brother.  Everyone has their PhD in Math or Physics.  Idn'tfg.  But philosophical or not, I had a marvelous year.  My son was able to establish a meaninful life outside his group home He has a job, live with other sober roommates(he's alcoholic) has his own car and his own 2 jobs. I am now supporting him less.  My daughter cut back on her drinking and we are able to have somewhat of a relationship.  If she'd stop all together we'd do much better together.  (She stil has yet to develop follow through and the drinking is a part of that.)  

     

    I did have time to have my own problems re-evaluated and got my work relationship with my boss back on track.  I am even doing some consulting work back in the bay area  (psych, not accounting) along with a couple of fellows from grad school (so long ago, but still my compatriots-or parners in crime which ever sounds true in the moment)

     

    Life has seemed to have loosed it's apron strings from around me.  Just a bit. Enough to not be scared shitless anymore.  Just normally scared.  

     

    I think,unlike Shelly's poem, that my life is moving forward.  It's never too late.  Not even at 63

     

     

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