Beta-Testing Life: My New Personal Product Announcements

John McManamy Health Guide
  • My Google News page contains all the latest on the recent Apple Developers Conference. You know, those ubiquitous announcements of various upgrades to its operating systems and apps and stuff. Google and Microsoft do the same sort of thing - again and again and again. 


    Don’t ask me why, people can’t seem to get enough of this. So, in the same spirit, this product announcement about The John McManamy ...


    Today, John McManamy announces the following upgrades to his hardware and operating system and apps:

    • Streamlined frontal cortex - It doesn’t do as much. Therefore, it is less likely to get confused.
    • Reduced memory - Living in the present now becomes much easier. 
    • Network sharing - Comes with a huge OFF button. Switches off automatically in the presence of those who think Fox News is real. 
    • Enhanced durability - Includes an upgrade where the operating system no longer cares what others think.
    • Improved adaptability program - Now no longer assumes that normal is the superior default mode.
    • Faster decision algorithm - Nuance, complexity, and ambiguity are factored out. 
    • Improved bipolar integration function - Addresses numerous bugs involved in accessing increased creativity, productivity, energy, and sociability. 
    • Improved Zen operating mode - Now much easier to access, especially following failures in the bipolar integration function.  
    • Enhanced Tao AI - Recognizes that depression is never going to go away. Learns to live with it.
    • New Thomas Carlyle app - Facilitates putting things into perspective. “One life - a little gleam of time between two eternities.” Supplements the old Ecclesiastes app. 
    • Improved forgiveness app - Recognizes the inevitable failings in others. Now able to turn its focus inward. 
    • Special app that can read women’s minds - Just kidding.

    Life is one huge beta test. Till next time ...

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Published On: June 03, 2014