I think Einstein was on the verge of a brilliant equation just before he died.
Part of the bipolar time warp involves the periods of rage and frustration I experience from time to time. I illustrated the feeling with shots of me banging my head against the dash of my car and in a baseball setting swinging my bat repeatedly at the air. I didn't have to work too hard getting into character. In fact, it was frightening how easy it was for me to convincingly portray the dark side of our illness.
My next video was about the book that started it all, "Living Well with Depression and Bipolar Disorder." To sell the book on camera, I decided, I needed to sell myself.
I had no script to this video. I spoke off-the-cuff. There I am, in a splendid mountain-valley panorama within walking distance of where I live. "I love this place," I enthuse.
So I should. My current environment here in rural southern California has played a large part in my healing. There I am, sitting on a rock, confiding about my life with bipolar. There I am, back on my feet, soaking in the view. There I am on another rock, in a tight close-up, talking about my zen moments.
I put together a rough cut and played it back. Some nervousness is there - that will never go away, I'm convinced. But I can't believe how otherwise relaxed I am, at peace with myself. No way I could fake this feeling, no way I could act this feeling.
Who is this person? I wonder. The same individual from my last video? The one who found it all too easy to act out his own anger?
What does the "bi" in bipolar really stand for? Or, for that matter, the pole?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind.
My camera has caught the wind. These days, in its presence, I'm not running.
Video: The Bipolar Time Warp
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BM1CSqzQPq4
Video: Living Well with Depression and Bipolar Disorder
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9Kuwo5LHdU
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