Many thanks, M, and big hugs to you :)

Hi, Kay. Before my book came out in Oct 2006, I had spoken in public only on extremely rare occasions, and I was reading aloud (in a halting voice) more than actually talking. My speaking from Oct 2006 on was only to help promote my book, and to prepare I made every effort to learn how to actually give a real talk rather than just read aloud.

I am extremely grateful to Tom Wootton, author of The Bipolar Advantage for taking the time with me where I could get to the point of talking for 15 minutes without embarrassing myself. Tom is a pro and he worked a miracle on me.

If I ever did entertain thoughts of being a public speaker they were quickly put to rest very early last year when I had a near melt-down in an airport on the way home from an exhausting road trip involving a number of talks.

I very quickly trimmed back my schedule. I gave my last talk in Oct last year and had no intention of giving any more talks. By the end of Oct I was in a state of near-collapse. I am only now just recoverying from the stress and burn-out. Public speaking is a very clear threat to my mental health and personal safety and takes me away from my real work, which is writing about my illness.

My only scheduled talk this year - to clinicians - came from a long-standing commitment that I felt I could not back out of.

I gave two unscheduled talks this year. The first was local and informal - amongst a "home" crowd with no road hardships. The second afforded me an excuse to reconnect with friends in LA. They both coincided with my need to break out of my six-month sabbatical from the world. That which nearly killed me can also heal me - but only in very small increments.

My days of seeking out speaking gigs are over. I will consider speaking invitations on a case by case basis, based on whether I think it will move my healing along or not and what is best for my personal needs at the time. If the proposed engagement is out of my time zone, I will almost certainly turn it down.

In my two speaking gigs this year, I scrapped my standard talks and focussed on Q and A. A quick 5-10 minute warm-up, then throw it open to questions. That way, I don't have to stress out with preparation and practice and delivery. I'm much more relaxed doing Q and A. It works for me, and it allows my audience to raise issues that are important to them. Based on my last two talks, the format proved a great success.

Any talk I give is based on the same principles as my writing - provide patients and families with insights into their illness and how to manage it. It is based on my research as an award-winning mental health journalist and my personal experience from living (often very unwisely) with my illness.

I wiil acknowledge that public speaking has been extremely good for me in overcoming a lot of my social anxiety. I am far more at ease amongst people as a result, and it has made my life far richer, and for that I am extremely grateful. But it also nearly killed me. I am vulnerable to stress, and public speaking and road trips are not the kind of stresses I handle very well.

So, to sum up: I'm retired from my very brief "career" as a public speaker. I have no more talks planned this year, nor do I anticipate any. If I do accept an invitation to speak, the criteria will be 1) must suit my personal needs at the time (such as breaking out of isolation or seeing friends) and 2) Q and A format.

I can reach far more people as a writer and in my new outreach producing my own short videos. In a few months, I have reached many more people through my eight videos than in all of last year giving talks. Same with my book, same with aricles on my website, same with my email newsletter, same with my writings here at BipolarConnect.

I'm sticking to the knitting.

Hello John!

Thank you for responding so quickly to me.  I appreciate all the time and effort you put forth in answering  my questions.  I would never have guessed that public speaking was so difficult for you.  What I have gathered from reading your posts, is the impression that  you can do almost anything you set your mind to.  You do a good job of hiding  your fear.  It is good to know that, while public speaking can be difficult for you, it has also helped you in  your daily life.  From my previous experience with public speaking, I can also say that it has enriched my life.  What ever information I imparted to others, they surely gave back to me with their comments and critical feedback.  No two speeches were ever the same, and that is because of the audience present at any of my presentations.

Having come off a long stay at the State Hospital, I am just now starting to recover and re-enter society.  Your story is very similar to mine, in that we both started having problems back in October, 2007.  I have some gut wrenching stories of abuse and neglect from my time in the hospital.  Fortunately, I had a good therapist and psychiatrist, who worked with me on my "recovery".

Again, I thank you for being so open and honest about your experiences as a public speaker.  What you had to say really surprised me.  You must wear your "mask" very well, as I would never have guessed you had such a hard time in the past several months.  I am very glad to know that you are doing better now.

I would like to purchase a copy of your book.  Can you help me do that or do I need to find the book from someone else?  Also, what is the title of your book?  How much does it cost?

Here is hoping that your life is filled with rewarding and uplifting events and that you manage to get through the summer, hopefully, free from worry and too much stress.

With warmth and gratitude,

Kay