My Good Friend, Kevin

John, you really did a nice job describing Kevin to those who did not know him. He and his wife Jamie were good friends to both you and I. Still in shock over what happened, and I am grateful that we knew him during his brief time on this planet. I know he touched many, many lives, and we are all blessed to have met him.

Take care of yourself and hug those kittens for me. 

Love,

Susan

John...Over the years, I have lost a few friends and acquaintences in tragedy - such a horrific loss, and most of them far to young.  I still mourn their loss.

You write a nice tribute to a good friend.  It sounds like the two of you are blessed to have known one another.  I've had a few friends like that.

Maybe it's true:  Only the good die young.

Judy

I'm so sorry to hear about Kevin.

I've lost two friends to suicide and sat by way too many beds after attempts. These illnesses can be killers. I look forward to the day when suicide is treated as the public health issue that it is.

You are a marvelous and graceful writer. Thank you for your excellent posts.

All blessings,

The Lady Behind The Mask

And so, you are left to pick up the senseless peices and go on one day at a time.  There is a reason we are left behind when so many have been, as you say "triked by their brains" to leave this life.  You have to carry on.  You have to help others who cannot help themsleves.  It is not a burden or an obligation it is a way to honor their memories.   Stay well and balanced, my friend and God bless

John,

I would just like to express my condolences for your loss. Words fail me. It is very hard, I know, to lose someone to suicide without the why? if I could turn back time...but I guess I know that when one's brain is in that state he or she is so far down there thinking that dying is the only  answer. So...a cyber hug to you. You have already done a great job of celebrating and honoring your friend. Sincerely,

Kelly

Dear John, Thank for sharing your friend with us.Words bring little comfort I'm sure.

Shortly after my diagnosis & hospitalization, I learned that my Psychiatrist whom I known for what seemed to be forever had killed himself. I had grown so accustomed to him and depended on him greatly.The news really shook up our little community.I will forever miss his sarcastic since of humor.His whole life was lived outside the box,he made you feel it was ok to be that way too.Thanks for allowing me to share.

                                                    Robin

Dear John,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend....it is so heart wrenching...I too lost a good good friend Jan 7th of this year....he was singing and dancing and having a good time and then left the ctr and went to the parking lot after singing "it's a wonderful world" karaoke style and then out the parking lot and SHOT himself in the head right there, no one knew he had been off his meds for he was wearing the mask tight.....it devastated me and many in my family...and not sure we'll ever get over the fact we all thought he was IMPROVING>>>>so it just goes to show we never ever know what othrs traverse through in this life and what generates their actions....if only a few more like you would be caring, open, and welcoming, perhaps, just perhaps we could get across the intensity and rapidly changing moment to moment illness that we all experience and endure......My dear friend, i am so sorry to hear this news and hope that you are able to cope in some sembelance of the word, KNOW this what time you opened those caring arms, those times you reinforced he was accepted, those times that you reached out and showed someone is there for him....those times you welcomed him to the group...MOST likely was the most acceptance that he ever felt for you are such a caring and insightful person.....what a horrid experience for you and agreat loss for US to have yet another feel trapped and encased in a world no one ever seems to understand.....those masks often fool us, just as with my friend, and he wore it tight too....just as i do almost every day of my life, yet I hope i never enter (again) the stage of thinking that NONE of us control concerning this type of ending to such a blossoming life.....

John I am so sorry for you  and your family and I so wish i'd have known this inspiring young man....I am again praying for you and yours, .......imagine such a wonderful mind and soul just encased in the arms of the angels in his TRUE home where there is NO bias, NO judgement against mental disorders, and healing and caring and empathy divine.....know he will always be with you through memories and through spirit and that I am sending great big hugs and a warm embrace along with a shoulder to lean on....feel that????that is me reaching out a comforting hand and a heart full of empathy for you and yours and hear that???that is me praying for you to heal somehow someway from this horrid experience in your life....KNOW this, I am here even if need to private email....hold on dearest john, you are an inspiration and what a tribute you have written to your friend.....

"remember me with smiles and laughter for that is how i'll remember you all if you can only remember me with tears and sorrow then don't remember me at all"......a great quote, although hard to follow for I STILL cry almost daily over losing my daddy and losing my friend to suicide.....and 12 other deaths in between......so know you have so many who love you and are thinking of you at this time....

IF only john, if only we could somehow thwart the stigma that encases the media and masses on this, perhaps one day we won't see our loved ones and friends leave for their true homes before WE believe they are called...

My deepest and most sincere sympathies my friend,

with love and prayers and positive energy sent your way my dear,

ctrygirl

thanks for sharing this it just shows so many that those MASKS do come off and often when we're NOT looking, well most likely when we arent'.......

John,

     Your words always offer me solace on days that are difficult, and I sincerely hope that the words of our members are helping you now.  I ache with the pain you must be feeling.  Bipolar really is a trick to the brain; it is as if the only person you can count on, yourself, turns on you.  Others have said this, but it bears repeating:  your tribute to Kevin was the best way for the rest of us to consider our loved ones in new ways, and appreciate each day we have.  Please take care.

Thank you, John for sharing Kevin's story. It serves to remind us that BiPo has its up and downs, and waiting around every corner might be an emotion, feeling or personality trait that we've never met before.

I used to wonder how I could act so "normal" at times' but be so sick. I guess that's just par for the course with this illness. And thank you, thank you, thank you for the way you ended your story. When you said, "Yet, on a miserable muggy New Jersey morning, his brain tricked him into believing something else. I can fully understand, even if I don't understand ...".

If people just understood why these things happen, that it is a symptom of the illness, and not a conscious decision, maybe the stigma would diminish. At the moment that the decision is made, and carried out, it makes perfect sense. It is so nice to actually see this acknowledged, although I knew that you understood what you don't "understand".

Thank you, John. You do a wonderful service to our community, and your work is greatly appreciated.

Blessings,

Winston C. Smith Sr.

Thank you John for your story.  This is the first time I have read the blogs and yours reached out to me to read.  So sad yet I can see my life in your story.  This past year I have had to go on disability because of my health (a lot of it mental), I lost my job because of ADD and my son is bi-polar.  So many times in the past 12 months I have wanted to do the same as Kevin if only I would have had the nerve.  I know suicide is a cop out and the ones who are hurt are the ones left behind.  The pain, the desperation and the longing for just a little peace outweighs our sensible self.  I asked my wife one day if I could leave and shared with her my thoughts.  She said no that she needed me more right now than God did and wanted me to promise her that I wouldn't do it unless I talked with her.  I won't because of my promise to her and we have been married 31 years.

I guess I said all this to say that we never really know what a person is dealing with.  Do we really take the time to want to know?  Or do we just leave our feelings as superficial as, "hey, have a nice day!"  I was in church Sunday morning with a crowd of over 1000 and never felt so alone in my entire life.  I want so bad to go home with God but I know He has a reason for me being here.  Those who read this, please reach out to those you know who struggle.  Your hand may be the only support they have.  Thanks for listening and God's speed to you all.

Randy

Tennessee

Many thanks to all of you for thinking of me and your show of concern. I can't reply to each of you individually. My tribute to Kevin obviously struck a chord with a lot of us. It's clear his untimely end gave us all pause to think about what we struggle with every day in our lives, and about those close to us who have left us.

Please feel free to share your stories here, your thoughts and feelings, insight and wisdom.

John, I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. I must say that I was very angry by his decision that muggy morning and how it disrupted and impacted my life. I thought how can someone be so selfish. I'm still dealing with the after effects from that morning, but your blog has given me some insight to what went on. I knew very little about Bipolar disorder and how it affects it's victims. Thank-you for humanizing Kevin Greim. All I knew of him was from what I saw and from the news article. I can say I'm not angry at him anymore, but saddened that such a person with true gifts and inspiration can be snatched away from truth and delivered into a lie. I am truly and deeply sorry for your loss and now have a better undestanding of what people with Bipolar disorder go though. It just doesn't seem fair. I know this is little consolation, but there is always something birthed in death. Kevin's death has given you an opportunity to bring a greater awareness of Bipolar disorder to a wider audience. I truly hope great gains will be made in this area of mental illness. God bless you, John

So sorry to read this John. I can empathise. In 2002 an ex-partner but good friend of mine jumped in front of a high speed near Oxford. When I was told I collapsed to the floor. Were is not for this ex-partner I would have been dead myself, but apparently I was "too good to kill myself." Pity that thought could not have been applied inwards...

With regards to your friend I know you are shocked, horrified, think that that method seems so brutal, and the loss is unbearable - the loss of what he could have done with his life. Suicides are the hardest type of death to bare. (And I am a hypocrite having attempted several times). Cling on to the good times - you were important in his life. Believe that he is finally at peace. And John, look after yourself.

KSx

I read with sorrow the beautiful tribute to your friend. My condolences to you and his family.

To Everyone:

I have known Kevin for quite some time. I blame myself for falling out of touch with him when he needed my support the most. The last time I spoke to Kevin was during his separation, and it was because of my own irrational thought process, a personal failing that I continue to struggle with to this day, I judged him for someone he was definitely not. I feel very bad about how this failing of mine has caused me and others much suffering, and it hurts even more that I have come to realize what Kevin means to me, knowing now that I can't tell him that in person.

To Kevin:

Kevin, I am grateful that your pain is over. I know that you had to be hurting very badly on that day to accept a very painful death when you always told me that you feared pain too much to die like that. You may have died a physical death; but, to me, you will never die. What is yours cannot be killed by a train, or by any other thing that could end a physical life. I know wherever you are now, you will never know sorrow again.